My Dark Little Secret
by Kkxx
Summary: Anastasia Steele is not the girl that everyone thinks she is. She's far from innocent and she's far from sweet. She might have a passion for literature but she also has a passion for lust and pleasure. Will she be able to keep this secret of hers to herself? What will she do when unexpected things happen? (I own nothing)
1. This Is Who I Am

**Hi, this is my first attempt in writing a fan fic so hopefully you will all like this little twist that I have made. Please review :)**

My high heels are clicking loudly as I make my way past the reception desk in this prestigious five star hotel. It truly takes your breath away... it makes you stop and stare, but after several of my visits here, it's more of a routine now. I look at the receptionist and find her smiling at me with that kind of smile which I know she only reserves for customers. We both act as if we don't know each other but in reality she knows what I do and who I am. There are a couple of things which are similar to our jobs, we are both professional about it, we both smile when we have to, we both talk when we are spoken to, and we both enjoy the thrill of meeting new people.

The only difference is, is that my job is way more enjoyable then hers. I don't sit in front of a computer desk all day, I don't always have to act as if I enjoy myself because I usually do anyway, I don't have to do something I don't want to do, whereas the red bob cut receptionist does. I choose how far I want to take things with someone. But I like to play rough, I like to play wild, and I am desperate for it. I push past my limits, I always have, and I always will. I never say no.

What can I say I love men, I love sex, and I love money so I combined all three. Being a high class escort is a job made for me. There is nothing that I would rather do then this. I rub my red lips together and smile again as I exit the hotel. I dig out my purse from my bag and count the money again, smirking. I always satisfy their needs. I mastered everything there is to know about a man, I know what they are thinking, what they want, and whether I drive them crazy. I mouth the word crazy to myself and giggle. I defiantly drove this one crazy. I for sure loved his eyes, does dark hazel arises looking right at me. I lick my lips as I remember how he felt inside my mouth... and than inside me. That's the part I always look forward to there is never anything better then to be lost in the moments of pleasure.

Increasing my pace I finally find myself in a taxi. Feeling very satisfied, relaxed, and happy with my night I hop in and close the door behind me. In the rear mirror of the taxi I can see a sight of a grin on the driver's face. I roll my eyes and put the loose strand of my curled hair behind my ear.

''Why is such a beautiful lady out at this time in the morning?'' He asks as he continues to stare at my bare legs in the mirror.

I clear my throat to get his attention again. ''Escala please.''I get straight to the point not really in the mood to be glared at any more. I had enough for one night.

The taxi driver lifts up his eyebrows in shock. Obviously not expecting me to say that address but he doesn't comment and instead drives off. I look out the window and watch the hotel disappear in the distance, another memory has been made, and loads more to come. But my smile fades when I think about my room mate, Kate. I am so not looking forward to the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition. That women wants to know everything there is to know about my life. But she can't. What would she think about all this? What would she say? Would she still be my friend? I shake my head and close my eyes shut to get rid of all the unwelcome thoughts that just entered my head. It's simple no one can know and I mean no one.

This is what makes me feel alive, what keeps the adrenaline rush going, I can finally let go. I no longer have to be that _perfect_ student everyone wants me to be. On this side of the world I can do what the hell I want and I set the rules and not follow them. Being who I am allow me to forget that I am a student who studies English Literature. Fair enough you can say that I enjoy reading and writing but it wasn't what I needed. I wanted to find that hidden devil inside of me. I didn't want to be that girl who spends her time in the library reading book after book and trying to make a career that she _thinks_ she wants.

That girl disappears when I step into a pair of Christian Louboutins, a stunning dress, and put on glamorous make-up. I completely change and no one out there will change that. But this girl has to stay hidden and as soon as the night is over I have to act as if nothing ever happened. I have to pretend I still work at the hardware store, that I am till in love with books, and that I am still that innocent girl. I feel myself gag just thinking about all this. It's just so unfair that I unable to be who I really want to be.

I can already feel the hatred, the disappointment, the disgust if I was to tell them what I do for a living. They would never understand. I sniff a little and than I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. It hurts knowing that I have to hide this part of me, this part of me that is full of confidence, and full of excitement. I wipe the tears with the back of my hand and pretend that all is well and I have nothing to worry about. I need to be strong in this business so why can't I be strong now. I want to yell at myself.

''Ma'am?''

''What?'' What the hell does he want now? Why can't I have some peace and quiet as I travel home.

''Your phone is ringing.'' Why haven't I heard it then?

''Oh thank you.'' I ruffle through all the money and bits of papers in my purse to try and locate my phone. When I eventually do I answer without checking the caller ID.

''Hey, A.''

In an instant I know who it is. ''Hi, Liv.'' I greet her.

''Okay, spit it out.''

I frown. ''What do you mean?'' I ask acting completely oblivious.

''You know what I'm talking about.'' I can't hide anything from her.

Taking a deep breath in I carry on. ''I've been crying.''

Even though I can't see her I can tell that she just rolled her eyes at me. ''Just because you like sex and money doesn't mean you doing anything wrong. Everyone likes sex. Money is just a little bonus we get.'' I feel my lips slowly lifting up into a smile. She knows me to well. _Well considering she does what you do._ Sometimes I just want to laugh at my own stupidity but this time I resist.

''I know that but you know th-''

''That you can't tell any of your friends and family, I get that.'' She took the words right out of my mouth. ''Just get over it.''

Her harshness makes me want to cry even more but I also know she is saying this to help me. ''Thanks.''

''No problem, A. Oh and before I forget you have a client to deal with next Saturday.''

''Send me the details?'' I could use with some extra cash.

''Sure, see you when I see you.''

She ends the call just as I arrive at Escala. Time to face the music.

I pay the taxi driver his money and finally get out. I do the usual routine of changing from my high stilettos to flats, from my short black dress to a plain white top and jeans, from red lips to a pale face but slightly blushed face. This is the Ana that everyone knows. I smile weakly at the reflection of myself in the mirror but I still don't feel any better.

I shrug my shoulders and start making my way to the lift and towards Kate...

''Ana! You're back! Finally.'' Kate sits on the floor of our living room, surrounded by books when I walk in. She clearly has been studying for her finals which are coming up soon. I groan at her. ''What?''

''Exams.''

She rolls her eyes but doesn't comment further. ''I don't want to talk about exams right now please do tell how your night was as it's-'' she looks at her watch. ''five in the morning right now.''

See I told you, there we have the Katherine Kavanagh inquisition. ''Why are up at this time studying that's what I want to know.'' I attempt to change the subject.

Kate's ponytail is swinging from left to right as she shakes her head. ''No. No. No, Steele. I asked you first.''

I make my way past her and into the kitchen. Boy I'm hungry. ''Just spent some time with my friends from work.''

''That hardware store must be so boring. How do you survive?'' I wouldn't know as I don't work there. I swallow the lump of guilt and hide my embarrassed face by turning my back towards her. I busy myself with spreading butter on my sandwich. Can she not ask any more questions please?

''So what did you do.'' Of course she's not going to give up on the questions.

I still don't dare to face her. ''You know the usual...'' I find myself drift off. Shit!

''Like...'' She tries to get more information out I can tell. Just as she is about to say something else we both hear her phone ringing in her room.

''Why would someone be calling me at this hour?'' She asks.

As soon as she leaves to answer the phone. I take a big bite out of my ham sandwich and try and make myself feel calm and relaxed. How will I carry on with these lies?


	2. Meeting Fifty

_He is here, I can hear him, sense him, and I am scared. I feel myself tremble as I hear footsteps heading towards my room. I want to yell but I know that this will only mean more trouble for me. I want to run but his stronger and faster then me. My heart is hammering against my chest and sweat starts to fall down my forehead. I hope he does this fast. I hope he will beat me up so much that my heart will eventually stop and all this pain would disappear. I cannot handle this anymore. I hope today is the day I die. I had enough of all these lies, the teasing at school, and watching mum pretend that nothing is wrong. Just enough of everything._

 _Seconds later I hear glass being thrown, I can almost feel his anger, and he is going to take it out on me._

 _''Ana, Where are you?'' He calls but I stay here in my room not moving a single muscle. Please don't do this I want to say. ''Where are you, you little slut.'' He slurs and I hear him even closer now. I lick my dry lips and start moving towards the end of my room away from him. ''Come out you bitch.'' He shouts again and I have to cover my mouth to stop the sob from escaping. Where are you mum? I need you. I hug my small frame with my shaking hands and stand there with my back against the wall._

 _Bang, bang, bang._

 _His hitting my door and I am way beyond scared._

 _Bang, bang, bang and the door falls to the ground revealing him. I swallow and I find myself stepping from foot to foot. He is smiling at me with that look in his eyes. ''There you are.'' No. . He moves towards me and before I can do anything he hits me and he hits me hard. I fall to the ground and cry out in pain. God the pain. It hurts. Mummy it hurts!_

 _Then there is another hit across my back and the pain gets unbearable. Please stop, please. Tears are falling down my cheeks and the fear of death is raising. I find myself thinking that this is not the way I want my life to end, but there is nothing I can do. The hits come one after another and I start choking on all these tears. Please make it stop. Mummy!_

I bolt out of bed with sweat and fear. My nightmare slowly fading but the feeling that it created in me is still there. I take in even and steady breaths but it's doing nothing to calm me. I have had these nightmares plenty of times before but this one just seemed so real. Everything about it seemed real. I could feel every emotion and feel every bit of pain. I sigh and shake my head to try and get rid of this nightmare. _This past..._ I know, I know everyone has a past and we are meant to face it but I cannot. I just use sex as a distraction.

Leaving all these thoughts aside I swing my legs over and get out of bed and head for the shower. Once I step in, the boiling hot water starts pouring over me. Relaxing my muscles and making me a lot more calmer then I was a few seconds ago. I run my hands over my body focussing on every single bit of it washing away this fear and this stress. I put my fingers into my hair and I start massaging the shampoo gently in my scalp while humming a song quietly to myself.

''Ana, how long you going to be?'' Kate asks through the bathroom door. I roll my eyes. Of course, how could I have forgotten that Kate needs her hour in the bathroom. I find myself smiling regardless of what I have been through this morning.

''I'll be a second.'' I answer her as soon as I turn the water off.

Minutes later I find myself back in my room and admiring my reflection in the mirror. Long dark brown hair falling down my back, big ocean blue eyes, and a slim figure. I smirk. I have came to accept and even like myself even more ever since I started doing my job. Men adore me, please me, and pay a good price for my services all thanks to this body that I have. I smile and do a little spin in the mirror.

''What are you doing?'' I jump at the sudden sound of Kate's voice. ''Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.''

I face her and bring the towel closer to me. ''It's fine, Kate, and to answer your question I was just spinning in my room.'' I pause. ''… for ermm no reason.''

She shakes her head and walks further into my room. ''You coming out with us?''

I frown. ''What do you mean?''

''I mean are you coming with me and Elliot to dinner today?'' How could I have possibly forgotten about that? Today I am meant to meet Kate's boyfriend that she has been seeing for a couple of weeks now and I have been very curious every since she told me about him. Not like she needs to know that.

''Yeah sure, what time?'' I ask as I go through my underwear drawer. Something plain please. Not lace and not silk just plain white underwear that is all I want. But I find that I am in fact a sexy underwear type of girl no cotton in sight. Shaking my head with annoyance I pick out a blue lace bra and panties to match.

''About two.'' I will need to ring Liv and ask her to clear my schedule for that then.

''Sure that should be fine.' I say as I put my leg into my panties while still holding my towel. This is a lot harder then I thought it would be.

I hear Kate laughing and when I turn to face her I see her rolling around my bed laughing. Why on earth is she laughing? ''Kate?''

''What?'' She wipes her eyes and focuses on me again.

''What are you laughing at?'' I put my other leg in and pull my panties up.

''Your just amusing''

I narrow my eyes at her. ''What do you mean by that?'' I turn my back towards her, drop my towel, and start putting my bra on. Nearly there Steele.

''Just made me laugh at how you were putting your underwear on.'' I throw my towel at her.

''Very funny, you try putting on your underwear while holding up a towel.''

She throws her hands up in defence. ''Okay, okay, point taken.''

I roll my eyes and stick my tongue out at her and she laughs again. ''Anyway, where is this dinner you were on about?'' I head towards my wardrobe to find something suitable to wear.

''His house.'' I do a full turn to face her again all wide eyes. ''What?''

''Why his house?''

''Don't look so surprised that it's his house, I just wanted to meet his parents that's all.''

''Of course you want to know everything about his life'' I smirk at her.

She throws the towel back at me and we both laugh. ''Okay, maybe I'm just curious about his parents.''

I start walking towards my wardrobe again. ''And we can both agree on that.'' I take two dresses out. A fitted black pencil dress and a navy blue one. ''Which one?'' I hold them both up and wait while Kate decides.

''Wait I got something better.'' She hops off my bed and disappears into her room. I groan, really? Couldn't you just pick out of these two? A moment later she is back in my room holding up a beautiful plum dress that I have never seen before.

''Wow, Kate, it's beautiful but I can't have it.''

Kate's smile fades and she frowns at me. ''Steele, you are having it end off.'' She hands me the dress and I carefully take it from her as if it might break. Kate truly has a great fashion sense but then so do I. But I have to hide that little secret.

I look up and smile at her. ''Thank you.''

''No problem.'' She hugs me and I blush remembering that I am still standing in my underwear while she is hugging me.

''Ermm... I should get dressed.''

''Oh, yeah sure.'' She murmurs and skips out of my room. Typical Kate for you. Okay, time to get dressed, Ana.

I rifle through the piles and piles of papers on my desk to try and locate my car keys. For God sakes where are they? We are going to be late and I do not do late. Ever. Everything is always perfect in my world. I book an appointment with a client, we meet, and we get to business. I never arrive late. This is seriously not my afternoon at all. I check my watch and find that me and Kate are indeed over twenty minutes late.

''Kate!'' I yell as I still try and find my keys. ''Kate!'' I yell again when I don't hear an answer.

''What!''

''Hurry up we are late!''

I finally locate my keys and run out the door barely making it in these very uncomfortable heels that Kate made me wear. How does she walk in these beats me. I get in my Audi and so those Kate, I start the engine and we make our way towards the highway.

''You excited?'' I ask as I signal to change lanes.

''Yes!'' Kate squeals and I just have to laugh at her. She is such a teenager sometimes.

''Who else is going to be there?'' I ask out of curiosity.

''His mum, dad, sister, and his brother.''

''Oh he's got a brother then.''

I can almost feel her eyes on me. ''Yes, his name is Christian and he is just as handsome as his brother Elliot.''

''I shall look forward to it then.'' I attempt to sound disinterested even though I am and I think I succeed.

The rest of the journey we sit in comfortable silence. It gives me some time to think. I ask myself how it would be if I was to have a normal relationship just like Kate is having. Would I be happy? Would I have just as much fun as I am having now with my job? _Yeah of course you would._ My sarcastic self jumps into the debate in my head. I roll my eyes, that is true. How would it be possible to have just as much fun with only one guy? It just seems unrealistic.

I think about mum and how she was always the party animal and did not really care about me even though I really wanted her to. She did not care that my dad abused me for years. She did not care that I was hurting. She did not care at all. She just cared about alcohol. So I turned to sex for comfort and distraction. Liv showed me a way through this and ever since I have managed to keep the demons at bay. But the nightmares are still there and I constantly wake up with that uneasy feeling inside of me that _he_ will come back and hurt me again. It did not matter that I attended weekly therapy sessions with Flynn the nightmares still returned.

''Ana, you okay?''

I turn my head towards her and give her a reassuring smile. ''Yep.''

''We are here.'' She beams.

My sat nav instructs me to pull off of the main road and onto a little lane, where I find myself in front of the biggest pair of metal gates that I have ever seen. A silver plaque on a pillar states ''The Grey House'' Oh my God! I take my sunglasses off and look past these metal gates, and down the gravel that seems to go on for miles. There's no sign of a house, just a tree lined road that I cannot see the end off. Are we in the right place?

''Are you sure this is the place?'' I ask Kate.

''Positive.''

''You never told me he was some rich guy.''

''Well because it would put you off.'' She points out. This Ana that she thinks she knows would indeed be put off by being informed of this. But the Ana that rules the night world would jump out of her skin to meet this man and she would want to please him in every way possible. The thought of this puts a smile on my face but I quickly hide it not wanting Kate to see it.

''Well yes I would be put off.'' I lie suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

She nods. ''See this is why I didn't tell you, but we are here so we better find a way to somehow get in.'' She points at the gates.

''Let me investigate.'' I get out of my car and walk up to the gates, giving them a little jiggle, but they won't budge. I look at Kate but she just shakes her head. I stand for a few minutes wondering what the hell I am meant to do.

''You need to press the intercom.'' I jump at the sudden sound of a low rumble coming from nowwhere, stabbing at the silent country air.

''What the hell?'' I mutter to myself. I look around me, but it's only me and Kate here.

''Over here.'' I hear the voice again. I do a full sixty turn and see the intercom further down the lane. I drove straight past it. Typical me. I run over and press the button.

''Ana Steele and Kate Kavanagh.'' I announce us to the stranger on the other side.

''I know.'' The voice sounds bored and totally not interested. Nice way to treat guests. ''Come in then.'' I look towards the gates and see them opening. Alright, Mr Grumpy give me a chance. Doing a small jog towards the car I finally hop in.

''Well he sounded like an ass.'' Kate says and I laugh completely agreeing with her but not actually saying it. I start the engine of my Audi and drive through the gates which are now fully open. We continue on the tree lined gravel driveway that seems to go on forever. With trees lying on either side of the lane at regular and even intervals, you would think that they put them in specific places to conceal what lies beyond. After a mile or so of sheltered driving, I pull into a perfectly rounded courtyard. I turn my head towards the huge house that looms centrally and demands attention. Wow.

''Very rich then?'' I ask and when Kate doesn't say anything I look at her and see her blushing. Kate never blushes. Well this is new. ''Okay, lets go then.'' I cut the engine and get out the car as does Kate. This place truly looks amazing. The lawns are greener then green, the house looks like it receives daily scrub downs and even the gravel looks like it receives a daily hoover. If this is how the house looks on the outside then I'm scared to think what it looks like inside.

''Well this looks nice.'' Kate grabs my hand and leads me towards the stairs that lead towards massive wooden doors that are obviously the entrance to this house or mansion. I look up at the dozens of sash bay windows, seeing plush curtains hanging at them all. This family has cash and I mean a lot of it.

The black door that we are heading towards are adorned with highly polished silver furniture- are flanked by six giant bay windows, with pillars in carved stone guarding them. Giant limestone blocks made up the structure of the mansion, with lush bay trees lining the face. The fountain in the centre of the courtyard is in a shape of a swan. Spraying water out of it's beak. Little lights around it made it sparkle making it look magical. I turn my attention back to the door which I find are now open and a tall immaculate young woman steps out with a massive grin on her face. Gorgeous short black haircut, gorgeous make up, and gorgeous shoes. Everything about her was gorgeous.

''Kate!'' She runs up to my best friend and hugs her.

''Hey, Mia.'' Kate knows her than.

I stand there suddenly feeling very out of place. ''Mia, this is my room mate Ana that I was talking to you about.'' I smile at her and she takes me completely by surprise when she pulls me into a hug.

''Nice to meet you, Ana.'' She sings in my ear. So much like Kate, no wonder these two seem to get along. ''Come on in, the dinner is almost ready.'' Me and Kate smile at each other and follow Miss Bouncy Mia to the house.

Pure curiosity has me walking up the steps and crossing the threshold into a huge entrance hall. I gaze around the vast area and I am instantly amazed by the grand, centrally position, curved staircase that leads up to the first floor.

The décor look expensive, delicate, and very intimidating. Deep reds, taupe's with hints of silver and original woodwork, along with the rich mahogany parquet floor, makes the place look immaculate and different. I have never seen anything like this before. But then again this is exactly how I would have expected this place to be like. When you talking about rich people this is the only kind of standard that they accept in a house.

Mia heads off to the left, leaving me and Kate to scuttle off after her. Our heels clink on the parquet floor as Mia leads us past the central staircase and towards the dinning room I presume.

''Have you been here before?'' I whisper to Kate.

''No, never and this is why I wanted to come.'' She grins at me and increases her pace so she catches up with Mia whereas I allow myself to slowly drag my feet along behind. I watch them as they chat loudly about how Mia's recent holiday in Italy went and how much she wants Kate to go with her next time. I sigh wishing that I was offered an opportunity like that.

After a couple of minutes of walking down a long corridor we finally come to a stop. I take in my surroundings and find that I was right and we are in the dinning room. It's far bigger then I have imagined, an oval shaped table is right in the middle. Obviously the main attraction in this room. Plates, bowls, forks, knives, spoons, glasses, and even name tags are evenly laid on the table. In the middle there is a big bouquet of red roses making the whole set up look elegant and beautiful.

''Kate, Ana, this is my mum, my dad, and my brother Eliot.'' Mia introduces us.

An older looking woman dressed in a blue dress, tan heels, and wearing expensive looking jewellery comes towards me and Kate. Her warm smile looks reassuring and welcoming all at the same time. She looked like a caring and thoughtful woman.

She hugs first me and than she hugs Kate. ''I am Dr. Grace Trevelyan- Grey but you two can call me Grace.'' I cannot help the smile that appears on my lips, she sounds like a loving mother to her children and her husband.

''I am Carrick, Grace's husband, it's a pleasure to meet you.'' A tall, older, but still handsome man with laughing eyes and blonde hair comes towards us. Before I know it I receive yet another hug.

''Nice to meet you too.'' Kate and I speak in unison. Everyone including us laughs.

''We are so pleased that you both could make it.'' Grace murmurs.

''We wouldn't miss it for the world.'' Kate smiles sweetly at Grace. A very handsome looking gentleman kisses Kate on the cheek and she visibly melts. This must be Elliot and I cannot help but smile at the pair. He looks just like her type. Curly blonde hair, big blue eyes, and a cheeky smile.

''Hey, baby.'' He greets her and Kate kisses him on the lips. Her way of saying hi.

''I missed you.'' She whispers.

''Me too.''

Eventually they both turn to face us all. ''Ana, this is my boyfriend Elliot, Elliot this is my best friend Ana.'' Elliot walks towards me and takes me in a big long bear hug which I try to return the best I can.

''Nice to meet you Elliot.''

''You too.'' He winks at me.

''Okay everyone, time to take your seats, just find your name tag and sit down.'' Carrick announces and we all nod in agreement. Play nice Steele, and everything is going to be perfect. I start walking round the table to try and locate my name and I eventually find it I am sitting in the middle of Kate and _Christian._

Once everyone is seated I lean over to Kate to whisper to her. ''Is Christian coming?''

She shrugs her shoulders. ''No idea.'' She answers me and resumes her conversation with Mia and Elliot while we wait for the food to arrive.

''Ana, would you be so kind and help me with the champagne glasses?'' Grace asks.

''Of course.'' I carefully stand up and brush my plum dress down and wobble my way behind Grace towards the kitchen. She passes me the tray of glasses and I start to make my way back and just when I am about to reach the door to the dinning room I trip and fall. Spilling all the champagne on the floor and breaking all the glasses. Damn those shoes. No one has noticed yet so I start to clean this mess up by picking up bits of broken glass from the floor and putting it back on the tray.

I'd just squatted to reach one more peace of broken glass from the floor when I ran into a pair of luxurious black oxfords draped in tailored black slacks. I waited a beat for the man to move out of my way and when he didn't, I tilted my head up to allow my line of sight to rise. The custom three-piece suit made me tingly in all the right places, but it was the tall, powerfully lean body inside it that made it sensational. But it wasn't till I reached the man's face that I went for the count. Wow... just... wow.

He sank into an elegant crouch right in front of me. We were eye level and the first thing I noticed were his eyes. Dark looking, intense, and secretive looking grey eyes. I was stunned and I could only stare. He was producing some strange force of magnetism. It felt as if he had all the power here and not me and that should never happen. I am meant to be in control not the guy. I always felt so sure of myself but in this exact moment I felt completely powerless.

The only thing I was doing was staring at him. Copper hair framed a breathtaking face. The stubble covering his square jaw did nothing to conceal the handsome features beneath it. His bone structure could make a sculpture weep with joy, while a firmly etched mouth, a blade of a nose, and those dark grey eyes made him unbearably gorgeous.

His white shirt is casually rolled at the sleeves, but he still wears a tie, a grey one loosely knotted and hanging down a broad chest. That tie perfectly matched those brilliant irises. His eyes were intense and assessing as if he was reading me like a book. As if I couldn't hide from him, as if all my lies were out, and as if my dark secret was out too. I couldn't believe how bare I felt. When it came to guys I always put on a face and I put everything aside but with this unbelievably handsome stranger it seems that I cannot hide anything about myself.

My hear beat quickened and I parted my lips to accommodate faster breaths. He smells unforgettably good. Whatever the smell that he was creating was, it was mouthwatering. As was he.

He held out his hand to me, exposing an expensive looking watch.

With a shaky intake of breath I reluctantly put my hand in his. My heart leaped as soon as his grip tightened. It felt as if I touched fire, that was travelling up my arm, and so I quickly took my hand away. He frowned.

''Are you all right?'' His voice smooth and sounded full of power and full of control. I could tell that he was the dangerous kind, a kind that I should stay away from. But there was nothing that could stop me thinking about sex. His eyes, his looks, and even his voice brought sex to mind. Extraordinary sex. I felt drawn to him, as if there was a rope around my waist and he was pulling it.

He was just the type of guy that made a woman want to rip his shirt apart and watch the buttons scatter all over the floor. There was nothing about him that told me that he wasn't good at driving a woman crazy in bed. He defiantly was good at fucking and all the woman must fall at his feet.

''Miss?'' I hear his voice again.

Blinking out of my semi-daze, I manage to make myself look away. I suddenly felt stupid. This has never happened before with a guy. I always manage to keep my emotions away but right now it seemed like I lost that. It must be the alcohol, I repeat to myself over and over again. After all I did drink a few glasses of wine Carrick offered.

''Yeah, I'm fine.'' I quickly stand but so does he. I can feel his eyes on me but I do not dare look at him.

''Oh my God! Ana darling are you okay?'' Grace runs up to me and assesses me at arms length but I still keep my eyes firmly to the ground. I need to get out of here. I am for sure not spending anymore time here especially with him sitting right next to me.

''Yeah I am fine, Grace.'' I walk past her and into the living room to find Kate. ''Kate, Liv called, it's an emergency I have to go so tell everyone that I am sorry about the mess.'' I lie once again.

''It's okay, you do what you have to do.'' She hugs me and lets me jog off to the exit door. I do a one last glance back and his there looking at me. Watching my every move. I bite my lip and moan as I turn my back to him and leave.

Once I am outside the cold rain makes contact with my skin. My pulse slowly starts to return to normal as does my breathing. What the hell was that? I feel light headed and flushed everywhere. This cannot happen again. I am the powerful one. I know guys like the back of my hand. But this one was different, I couldn't read him at all.

I put my head in my hands and take more deep breaths in.

I take out my phone as I make my way to my Audi.

''Hey, A.'' Liv's cheerful tone makes me smile a little.

''Could we meet tomorrow for lunch? I have loads to talk to you about.''

''Oh I do enjoy gossip, sure. Noon?''

''I'll text you where and yeah noon seems fine.''

Just when I am about to hang up she says something else. ''Your Saturday appointment is all booked, you have to meet the guy at eleven at heathman hotel.''

I nod to myself. ''Sure, bye.'' At least I will have some kind of distraction and my sexual frustration will be taken care off. It takes all my energy not to go back there and beg him to fuck me. Forget it, Ana. I sigh and get in my Audi and put my hands on the stirring wheel.

This cannot happen. I do business and not plain fucking without the cash.

I shake myself out of the slight melt down I just had and drive off. Steele you need to take a grip. Besides you will never have to see him again.


	3. The Phone Call

''And you just left!'' Liv exclaims staring right at me with disbelief. Her red hair is swinging in its ponytail from left to right as she shakes her head.

''What else was I supposed to do? I didn't even want to go in the first place, then I made an idiot out of myself by dropping all the champagne glasses, and then I just stared at this... guy... for god knows how long.'' I sigh. ''I couldn't possibly stay there any longer.''

Liv rolls her eyes. ''You didn't make an idiot out of yourself.''

I laugh. ''I sure did.''

Liv just doesn't understand how I feel about this. She's far more daring than me. If she was to run into Mr Suit she would have said something shocking and suggestive, and probably make his jaw drop. Probably something that would for sure impress him whereas there was me in a pool of hormones just staring at him. I cringe just thinking about it. But I just couldn't help it regardless of how hard I tried to act normal and feminine around him it just didn't work. I wish I could be like Liv. Her long, red hair is as vibrant as her personality. She's confident, strong minded and determined. Everything that I always wanted to be. I am working on it but I still got a long way to go.

Liv puts her hand over mine and smiles. ''Just think about it this way you will never have to see him again.'' I smile back at her but inside I pout. I don't know why but I found myself thinking about him a lot ever since I left that house. I didn't come back home, I just couldn't find the inner strength to face Kate. I've ruined her night but I still needed a shoulder to lean on so I came to Liv and explained everything that has happened. I find it stupid how I couldn't keep my emotions intact I always do around guys but those grey eyes destroyed that barrier and let all those sexual thoughts run wild. The next thing I knew I was having sexual fantasies about him and I never get that far involved with a client. _But he wasn't a client._ My inner self snaps at me making me shake my head with frustration. It doesn't matter whether he was a client or not I should have never let myself loose control like that.

''Yeah I know,'' I muse, picking up my cheeky lunchtime wine and taking a sip. ''Anyway do tell me how was last night for you.'' I grin at her changing the subject wanting to know how she spent her night with her client.

She chokes on her water that she was drinking spitting it out all over her chin. I frown, it was just a question that we always ask each other. But then she laughs and all the worry floats away. ''I was just about to tell you.'' She rubs off the droplets of water off of her chin with the back of her hand. ''It was a disaster, that word sums it up too perfectly to be honest with you.''

I resist laughing. ''What happened?''

She snorts. ''I don't think he even knew what he was meant to do as soon as I undressed.''

This time I burst out laughing and so does she. I was about to wipe a falling tear off my cheek when I register my phone dancing around the table.

''Are you going to get that?'' I look up and see Liv frowning. _Just answer the damn phone._ Glancing at my screen, I nearly fall off my chair when I see the name Christian Grey flashing up. After a few seconds of staring, my brain finally gets the shock message and my heart commences sprint in my chest. What the hell?

I never stored his number- I just said a few words to him and left, well after embarrassing myself first. So why is HIS name flashing on my phone right now. I go through the evening in my head and remember that I left my phone on the table when I went to help Grace but who would have added him to my contact list? I hold my phone in my hand, scanning the restaurant to see if the continuous ringing has drawn any attention. It hasn't. The only person that is staring at me with big wide eyes is Liv.

I let the phone ring off and put it down with shaking hands. What does he want?

''Okay, who the hell was that and why didn't you answer?'' Liv's sharp and demanding tone makes me sink further into my chair.

''It-'' I am cut off by the phone again but this time I pick it up knowing damn well it will be him on the other side of the phone.

''Hello.'' I say, stamping my foot a little for sounding apprehensive in my greeting. I was aiming for sure and confident.

''Anastasia?'' His husky voice has the same impact on my weak senses as it did yesterday. But at least over the phone he can't see my physical reaction to him.

''Who's speaking?'' There. That sounded a lot more steady and confident.

He laughs lightly, and it throws me completely off guard. ''Now, I know you already know the answer to this question because my name came up on your phone,'' I cringe on the spot. ''Am I right?'' He asks the question he already knows the answer to.

Oh, the arrogant arse! Now I am mad and me being mad isn't a pretty picture.

I lean back in my chair and sit up tall. ''How do you know that your name came up on my phone?''

''Someone did me a favour and I am very grateful for it.'' He says simply without a second thought.

I sigh. ''It was Kate wasn't it?'' I am for sure going to have a talk with her as soon as I get home.

''Why do I feel like I am participating in an interview?''

I roll my eyes. ''I'm just asking some questions that I want you to answer, simple.''

''Funnily enough I want you to answer some of my questions as well.'' He states firmly.

My mouth pops open but I quickly recover remembering that Liv is watching my every move. ''Why would I answer your questions?'' I ask cockily.

I hear him sigh. ''Well, because every time I ask a question I always get an answer.''

''Excuse me?'' I splutter. Who does he think he is? I am for sure not going to play along with this.

''I said...''

''Yes, I heard you.'' I interrupt him. ''And I am for sure not going to answer any of your questions. You can now delete my number and never call again.''

''Anastasia...'' He purrs his voice full of anger and something that I cannot seem to put my finger on.

I cross my legs under the table and lean slightly forward. ''Leave...me...alone...'' I spell each word out slowly to get my clear point across and I end the call without giving him the opportunity to say anything back. I put the phone down and smirk. _Good work Steele._ My conscious is smiling proudly at me and I couldn't agree more. But my smirk immediately fades when I come face to face with Liv's slightly parted mouth, big green eyes, and raised eyebrows.

''Can you please tell me what the fuck is going on? Like now.''

I pick up a stray piece of lettuce and start nibbling on the edges. I feel myself getting more tensed the longer I delay saying anything to Liv, I feel her watching me with narrowed eyes and feel her becoming more and more impatient.

''Anastasia...Now.'' No not this full name thing again.

I drop the lettuce and face her again. ''Fine.'' I sink back in my chair and cross my arms over my chest protectively.

''Well...''

I roll my eyes. ''The guy that called was Christian.''

She frowns and starts chewing on her bottom lip. ''You don't mean the Christian that you fell on your knees for.''

''No I didn't fall on my knees for him I dropped the champagne...'' I shake my head. ''I'm not going to repeat what I said, I already told you this few minutes ago.''

A cheeky smirk starts forming on Liv's lips. What the hell this time?

''What?'' I bite my lip to try and calm my too fast breathing.

''Interesting...''

''What-'' Just when I am about to have a massive go at her my phone starts ringing again. ''Reject'' I huff at my phone, stabbing at the red button and stuffing it in my bag. Taking a deep breath in I try and regain my focus on here and now and not think of... him. _But you so want to._ I find myself feeling annoyed, where on earth is my self control gone? After several minutes of regaining my focus again I explain to Liv what happened during the phone conversation and the entire time she just sat there with her mouth wide open.

''Wow...''

''Wow, what?'' I ask, full of nerves again.

''Demanding little thing isn't he?'' State the obvious why don't you...

A nervous laugh escapes my mouth. ''You could say that...'' I mentally slap myself for sounded so uncertain and all over the place.

Her eyebrows hit her hairline... again. ''I need to meet him I love the effect he has on you.''

''What effect?'' I start pushing my sandwich around the plate.

''You better stop with acting as if he doesn't give you any intense feelings when he clearly does. You would have to be blind and deaf not to see the physical effect that he has on you.'' Her tone is fierce.

''I don't even know the guy so can we please just drop the subject as I am not interested.'' I shrug my shoulders.

''Ha! That's funny keep telling yourself that.''

I scowl across the table at my friend. ''I will.''

''Please do let me know how that works for you.'' She snaps back with a massive grin which makes me feel even more annoyed.

* * *

I feel exhausted. Everything aches, my head, my legs, everything I really need to find something to eat and have a long bath before I get ready to go out again. I open the door to mine and Kate's apartment and walk in. I still have my ridiculously high heels from yesterday and the same plum dress. I do no dare to look at the mirror when I walk past it as I know that I would be disgusted with what would be looking back at me. My heels are clicking loudly the further I go but with each step my feet are begging for me stop.

''Ana? Is that you?'' I stop and clench my eyes shut I am not ready for this what's so ever. ''Ana?'' She calls again but this time I hear footsteps walking down the corridor.

''Yes it's me.''

''There you are I was so worried.'' She walks up to me and hugs my tired and shaking body. ''You are freezing are you okay?''

I pull back and force a smile. ''I am just really tired and I need a bath before I go.'' I turn my back to her and walk towards the kitchen. Please don't ask... please don't. I mentally beg her not to ask me where I am going.

''Where are you going?'' Why did I think she wouldn't ask? She always does, so you better think of something quick.

''I just got things going on right now...''

''Jeez... Ana are you okay? I can help you please talk to me.'' I feel a pair of warms hand around my waist pulling me in for yet another hug but I pull back.

''I know you want to help Kate... but right now I don't feel ready to tell you.'' I clench my fists together hating the fact that every word that is coming out of my mouth is a lie. Why can't I tell her?

She walks round to face me again and puts her arms on my shoulders and gives me a reassuring smile. ''It's okay I am here when you need me.'' I blink quicker to stop the tears from rolling down. Do not cry... don't you dare fucking cry!

Don't be weak like before. But just when I start my journey towards my room I am hit with a memory again. All these emotions that I am feeling at this very moment are too much for me…

 _I can smell cigarettes. Blood. And fear. I am hiding from him again. I don't want him to find me. I am bleeding badly, there is a puddle of blood around me, and I cannot move. It hurts too much. I bite the inside of my cheek to distract myself from the ongoing pain in my right leg. But it's not helping me at all so I just stay very still instead. I look around my room. This room that used to be my safe place when I was little is now a place of constant torture and pain. I swallow the building lump of emotions in my throat and take a deep breath but I can still feel unwelcomed tears rolling down my face again. I start shaking… my whole body does and the pain gets worse. A silent sob escapes my mouth as I try to stop these emotions from resurfacing._

 _I hear a bang…_

 _Then a slam…_

 _And then a bang again…_

 _My anxiety has risen to a god damn dangerous level. Mummy! Please help me!_

'' _Ana?!'' No!_ _Leave me alone. ''Ana!'' He yells._

 _Bottles as usual are being thrown about and doors are opening and closing again. He is looking for me again and he'll find me. My heart is hammering against my chest and sweat is pouring down my face along with my ongoing tears._

 _The door opens._

 _He's here._

 _Oh no._

 _He comes jogging towards my trembling and numb body. ''What the fuck have you done to yourself?!'' Me! ME! This was you! He grabs hold of my ponytail and pulls me up into a sitting position. The pain is so great I feel myself losing balance and falling. But his hold is fierce and strong, there is no way he is letting me go this time. He turns my head so I am met with his dark green evil looking eyes._

 _He smirks. ''You are just like your mother.'' He sighs. ''She didn't care about me and neither do you, you slut.'' He spits in my face. He stands up and lets me fall to the ground… he kicks me and I scream out in pain._

 _.NO! Mummy!_

I hold the chair in my room for some support as I calm my fast and scared breathing. I want these to stop. Please. I mentally beg my brain to erase all these horrible memories away even though I know they will continue to hunt me each and every day when I least expect them to. Why can't I control them?

I need to go to Dr Flynn. I need to regain my control.

* * *

 **Sorry for the long wait but I finally managed to get this chapter done...**

 **Thank you so much for reading this chapter :) I really hope you enjoyed this one xx**


	4. Meeting Anastasia

Chapter 4 

The usual nightmare managed to wake me up again. I blink rapidly to shake away the disturbing images floating in my fucked up mind and swing my legs over to get out of bed. The worst thing about nightmares is that you never know when they will attack you and they usually do at your weakest and most vulnerable time. For me that weak and vulnerable moment is when I sleep. That is when I don't have total control and total submission from everyone around me.

I turn to look at the digital clock on my night stand and find that it's five in the morning. The sun is only just starting to make an appearance when I look towards my window. My mornings have been starting like this for a while now, my mood is usually dull, and I feel anxious to face the day ahead of me. But today is going to be different. I'll get to see her again, that beautiful angel of mine. _Yours Grey?_ Okay, I might be forwarding time here but I always get what I want and what I want right now is that perfect beauty kneeling in front of me. I want those powder blue eyes looking up at me... with total surrender, excitement and intimidation. My lips curve into a smile, yes that is exactly what I want.

My days have been blending together and there has been nothing to make them appear any different from each other. I mentally run through my usual day at the office, and all I see are meetings and meetings again. Elena is right, she has been saying for months now that I have not been myself at all and that is completely true. It annoys me that I sometimes don't understand myself as well as she understands me but then that's understandable as she did spend a lot of time with me. Not just go with me for dinners, or meetings but also she became my play mate in my playroom.

I can still hear the very familiar sound of the leather whip hitting me across the back. I shudder at the memory. That was something I will never forget, Elena showed me control of my body again, and my mind too. I found peace but the nightmares still returned to haunt me almost every night.

I sigh and eventually find myself in front of my floor to ceiling windows. I stare at the Seattle skyline, and find that the sun is shinning brighter this morning and for a moment I feel a spark of hope... of happiness maybe. I have been working hard all weekend, me and Ros make a great team and I would never replace her but she said it's time for her to thrive forwards and be more then my PA.

I accept her decision but I need her... and just like that my mood goes flat again.

 _Focus Grey._

Yes exactly, I need to focus, I got little Miss Anastasia Rose Steele to see at eleven this morning and _that alone_ lifts my mood again. Who would have thought the innocent Anastasia is a high class escort? She hides it well but not well enough. What makes this even more exciting is that she doesn't even know that her appointment today will be with me.

I head upstairs to my gym with my smirk still place, switch on the TV for the morning business news, and start on the treadmill. As soon as my legs kick into action I feel adrenaline racing through my body regardless of how hard I try to control it. I increase my pace and go faster. My muscles began to ache but my mind is still full of that heart shape face and big blue eyes.

I remember clear, embarrassed and intimidated eyes meeting mine halting me in my tracks. They were the most extraordinary colour, ocean blue, and guileless, and I remember the unwelcome feeling of knowing that she could see right through me and I felt exposed and vulnerable. Just like in my nightmares. I felt completely bare in front of her, her body looked so gentle and flawless, but I could also feel a spark of confidence there too. My breathing started to increase the longer I ran but I wouldn't let my body come to a stop, I was pushing myself.

She had an innocent, sweet face but there was something behind it. A dark wave of confidence and desire that I wanted to appear right then. Her pale porcelain face started turning pink, she was blushing. That filled me with total satisfaction, she was feeling overwhelmed and intimidated. I liked it, that look on her face. She was different and I liked that too. She had a little sweetness and pure innocence about herself but that mistress inside of her was roaring loud and she wanted to be released.

I stab at the stop button on my treadmill and it starts slowing down until I reached a stop. I wipe the sweat of my face with the towel that was hanging on the treadmill. Looks like it's time for me to finally face the music and meet the extraordinary Miss Steele. Smiling again I walk back into my bedroom and get myself ready... After my too short shower, I find myself standing in front of the my bathroom mirror, grey eyes are wide and assessing as always. I run my fingers through my copper hair to make it behave the way I want it to.

Half an hour later I still can't seem to shake away the memories that I have of her. Regardless of what I do, she's still there. I started to pace up and down, worrying about a variety of things which is what I usually do but there is something different added to the collection of those things. Anastasia. What is it about her? What the hell is it? I want to shout but I manage to find the will power inside of me to stop. After all Taylor is just next door and I wouldn't want him to worry if he was to hear anything. This is getting out of hand. Everywhere I turn my head I seem to see her, those eyes with that spark looking at me across the dinning table, those eyes full of lust in my bath, in my... playroom.

 _Grey... Control yourself!_

This has never happened before. I have never been so wrapped up about someone, not even with my former submissive's. There was always some kind of distance there but with... _her_... it's something completely different. I have to have her to find out what it is about her that makes me feel like there is nothing in control about me.

I think hard, frustrated with myself again when I cannot seem to put anything about her in order. I cannot seem to... read her. The one thing for sure that I know is that she is not an ordinary girl what's so ever, she is different. Another thing that I took a note off when I was kneeling down and looking straight into her aqua eyes, is that there is two sides of her. There is shyness sometimes and then there is that bomb of confidence that she can set off whenever she wants. The way she quickly stood up and brushed away the shyness and wanted to get herself out of the situation she found herself in showed that. It was... refreshing.

I run my index finger along my upper lip as I carry on thinking about her. Not a single women in my lifetime has acted the way she did around me. They never walked away, I was the one that always ended it and told them to leave. But in this situation it was the other way round she took control and left me. Sudden rage starts to fill me, when I remember the fact that she left without even introducing herself. But I found her name and... her little secret using my own way. I find myself grinning from ear to ear suddenly feeling delighted that I managed to find out so much about her in such a short amount of time.

 _But you don't know everything about her_

Yes, Yes, I know. I shake my head but I will.

''Taylor'' I call and wait for my security guard to turn up. But not just a security guard, my wing man that is always there for me.

A few moment later I find him standing right in front of me in my office with his hands behind his back. He's an older man but doesn't look bad for his age. He is well built and was also well trained when he was in the military. He's loyal, trustworthy and a man that always gets everything I asked for done. That is what I like most about him that he never lets me down regardless of how hard the task I give is.

''Yes, Sir?''

''Get a car ready, I need to make my way back to Heathman.''

He nods. ''Right away, Sir. Is there anything else you need?'' He asks

''No Taylor that is all, you are dismissed.''

''Thank you. Sir'' He gives me a tight smile and leaves me on my own again.

Another twenty minutes have passed and I am finally at Heathman. I am leaning over the bar with whiskey in my hand right next to the reception, and the front entrance. The view is perfect I am away from the central view in the corner but I can still see everything very clearly. I will be able to see her enter without her even noticing me... giving me the perfect chance to see if she is as gorgeous as I have remembered without her noticing me quickly.

I glance at my rolex and find that it is one minute to eleven. She should be arriving any moment now. I turn my attention away from my watch and look towards the entrance again, scanning every brunette that I find entering the hotel but non of them are Anastasia. After what feels like forever I look at my watch again and it is now ten minutes past eleven. I frown, she is late and from what I observed about her she did not look like the type of person to be late.

''Would you like another, Sir?'' The bar attender takes my attention away from the entrance door.

I nod. ''Yes''

He refills my glass and my eyes are back looking at the entrance again. Moments pass and I find that I finish another glass of my drink but this time refuse a refill giving my full attention in looking and trying to find her. I am just about to give up when I see a slim brunette through the glass doors of the hotel. Is that her?

I don't take my eyes off of her. I watch as she goes through the doors and is being greeted by the staff near the door. But I still cannot see her face properly all I see is a beautifully curvy body and... legs. At last she turns to look towards the reception and the bar... it's her!

Long brown hair tumbling down in soft waves, her eyes glossy and wide, her cheeks flushed and her mouth slightly parted. I come to the conclusion that she has been rushing here and when I take a look at my watch I find that I am right. But she still looks so beautiful even more then I remember. I take in what she is wearing, a tight fitted plum dress and high heels. I bite the inside of my cheek to calm my wild thoughts inside my head. I need to play this cool, she doesn't even know she is seeing me.

I stand up and straighten my tie and start making my way towards her not taking my eyes of her. She is still looking round and stepping from foot to foot, obviously looking for her client. I smile but quickly hide it when I am getting closer to her. She finally notices me and the look she gives me is even more satisfying then I thought it was going to be. She takes a step back, her eyes get even bigger and the blush starts to get more visible. She is shocked to see me but there is also excitement there some kind of spark... just as I hoped.

I finally reach her and we are standing only a step away from each other.

''What the hell are you doing here?'' She almost shouts taking me completely by surprise. But I am not letting her attitude stop me from having her.

''Hello to you too, Anastasia.'' I offer her a smile hoping that she will return it with her own but she doesn't. I feel slightly disappointed but I am not going to back down from a challenge like her.

She crosses her arms over her body. ''Oh don't even start, Christian. I really don't have time for this right now I am late meeting someone here. What about you... I am certain that you cannot give me any other reason why you are here other then... stalking me.'' She snaps. She used my name? Not Mr Grey?

''Well...'' I pause and smile again. ''I am your client.''

She suddenly looks stunned and she takes a step back. ''What?''

I chuckle and close the gap between us again. ''You heard me.'' I offer her my arm. ''Shall we?'' I watch her as she takes in this new information. What is it going to be baby? Are you going to take my arm or leave this hotel? But whatever you decide prepare yourself for me to stand right beside you. There is no getting away from me sweetheart.

Her frown line clears and she takes a deep breath in and I watch as her chest rises towards me. Wow.

''Okay.'' She says and starts walking forwards and doesn't take my arm. ''Follow me.'' What the hell? What did she just do? She took control again and walked away from me...again. I clench my hands into fists to try and control my growing anger as I watch her get further and further away from me. I cannot believe she just did that. But Miss Steele I am not going to let you win this game and allow you to turn me into some kind of puppy of yours. You will be the one obeying my orders next time. Let's see how in control you are going to be when I tie you down in my playroom.

I smirk and start following her.

Game on baby... let's see who will break first.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading this chapter! I hope you all enjoyed it xxx**

 **Please review :)**


	5. Unexpected Appointment

Chapter 5

I straightened my back and tilted my head up as I increased my pace to appear more confident to the man behind me. But the building fear and nerves were already starting to raise again. I took a deep breath and attempted to swallow the large lump of anxiety that has formed inside of me. What on earth is he doing here? I have asked myself this question as soon as I saw him approaching me, but when I actually got an answer from him I nearly lost my balance. He was my... _client_? I closed my eyes briefly and exhaled in a rush. This is not happening. _But it is, and you better suck it up, and somehow get rid of him before he finds out more of your secrets._ My subconscious is staring at me with big wide eyes stamping her foot. I want to yell at her but I know that she is right.

I take a right and make my way to the restaurant. The sound of footsteps right behind me indicate that he is following me, I try not to let my fears get the better of me but it's hard. What else does he know about me? How did he even know about _this?_ Did he tell anyone? Oh god did he tell Kate? Million questions start to bombard me from every direction. I feel a sharp and unwelcome shiver travelling down my back I don't like this feeling and I for sure don't want to be here with him. Why me? I have the sudden urge to just burst into tears but I will not let myself loose control like that. After all I am doing quite well, I refused to take his arm and made him follow me instead. I feel a slight smile forming on my face and I instantly start to feel better.

I come to a halt and face a young handsome man standing behind a desk just before the restaurant. I smile at him and he beams back at me. His cheeky smile is genuine and I like him instantly.

''Table for two?'' He asks kindly.

With my smile still in place I answer ''I made a reservation.'' He takes out a diary and starts flicking through the pages.

''Under which name, Miss?''

''Anastasia Steele.'' I reply simply.

He finally looks up. ''Right this way.'' And both me and Christian follow him. Even though I have not been looking at him at all or spoken to him I can feel his eyes stabbing holes in my back. He is so close to me I have to bite my lip to stifle a moan. What has gotten into me?

The restaurant is busy, just as I expected and right now it's a good thing. Usually when meeting with clients I prefer when we can have some peace and quiet as we discuss our arrangement and the payment. But today I welcome the loud chatter of customers around me after all this means that there will be no awkward silence moments and I can busy myself in listening in to some of the conversations going on around me.

''Here we are, is this okay for you two?'' The waiter asks, first making eye contact with me and then with Christian.

I nod and smile again ''This is perfect thank you very much.''

He returns my smile but his is more sincere then mine. ''Glad you like it, call me over when you two are ready to order.''

When he leaves us alone I walk over to the table and take a sit. Christian does the same and to avoid his stare I quickly look down at my linked hands. It will all be fine as long as I don't look into his eyes... maybe eventually he will leave if I don't say anything. I allow my mind to linger onto that uplifting thought as that is the only thing I can master to do right now. But I can't resist much longer and so I gaze at him from beneath my lashes as he sits right opposite me. I witness him running his fingers through his copper hair once or twice. It appears so soft and I have a sudden urge to run my own fingers through his copper waves. The thought comes unwanted into my mind and I feel myself blush. God dammit! I hear the rain hitting the windows and it's a constant soothing sound. Right now its the only soothing thing I hear besides the quite tune of Adele in the background.

''Are you going to say anything?'' He asks after several minutes of silence and I can hear a hint of a smile in his voice which makes me look up properly. Oh my God... it's then that I take the full impact of his breathtaking face. His eyes gray, and they appear darker then before just as dark as clouds before a storm. They make me feel exposed again and the thought scares me. I inhale a long breath and my nostrils fill with his intoxicating familiar sent and it makes me ache... ache for him. _Stop it!_ My stomach knots and I just want to leave I have nothing to say to him but he obviously thinks I do. His gaze is penetrating and it does not leave mine not even when the waiter comes back to take our order. But everything is a blur and all I seem to see and hear is his eyes and his controlled breathing. The moment so powerful it almost feels... intimate.

He sighs ''Well...'' he pauses ''You seem to have a lot of things to say to me in the lobby and now... nothing and all I seem to hear is conversations around me. Perhaps we should move this meeting somewhere else Miss Steele.''

I frown. ''There will be no need for that Christian.'' I speak! And even my own voice seems to sound alien to me.

''Then are you going to say anything?'' he prompts and dazzles me with his boyish grin.

I force a smile attempting to make it look just as fake as I want it to look and I think I succeed by the sudden frown on Grey's face. Good, I'm not so out of control as I thought. ''Maybe I should start with asking what the hell is going on?'' I begin.

His smile fades but his gray gaze holds mine. I feel spellbound- unable to look away. ''That's no way to speak to a client, is it Miss Steele?'' The cheeky sod!

I roll my eyes ''Perhaps I want to know more about you before we proceed to the issue at hand.'' _I really just want to know what you know about me Mr Grey and then you can be out of my hair._

His luscious lips lift up into a half smile. Jesus how could I not stare at that mouth. Wow... I gasp without even thinking about it.''I see you like to observe and gather information before you invest.'' His smile changes and it now looks secretive and amused. What the hell is he thinking! A smile speaks a thousand words but his smiles say nothing, absolutely nothing to me. ''Miss Steele knows business''

''What is that supposed to mean?'' I snap feeling myself losing the battle of keeping my emotions in tacked.

''Nothing really... it's just an observation it tells me a lot about you.'' he murmurs simply. Why can't you just tell me things straight up rather then being so mysterious!

''Like what.'' I sound irritated but it's the truth.

''You like to know what you get yourself into.''

''Don't you think everyone likes to know what they get themselves into.'' I point out.

He leans slightly forward and I sink further into my chair. Why do I find him so... What's the word... Beautiful...Yes, but that's not it... Gorgeous... Again yes but it's a no again... intimidating... yes! That's it! But why? My face flames.

''Yes that is true Anastasia, but you especially do.''

I exhale a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding. ''But you _Mr Grey_ '' I emphasise ''don't like to give away much do you?'' I smirk, knowing dam well that I am right.

He looks unsurprised by my question as if he was expecting it.''Well neither do you Miss Steele.'' he states. Does he think he's clever?

''In this business I can't say a lot.''

''Very well'' He glances down and so do I out of curiosity and see a chocolate muffin on his plate and on mine too. When did the waiter bring that? Did he even speak to the waiter? Did I seriously miss that? Even my subconscious is rolling her eyes at me.

I raise my eyebrows ''You ordered without asking me?''

His eyes return to mine and blink up at me ''Yes.'' That's it? No further explanation.

''Why?'' I narrow my eyes at him bravely.

''Because I can _Anastasia._ '' I bite my lip at the sound of his low voice purring my full name. It sounds unfamiliar as no one called me that since... _no don't you dare go there especially not now! Focus!_ He looks down at his muffin and starts peeling the paper off. ''Why don't you start eating your muffin instead of staring.'' His smug smile is back. He is beginning to get on my nervous.I pick up my muffin and instead of throwing it in his face like he deserves I place it rather harshly on his plate. When he finally looks up I smile politely at him but I get nothing back, just a straight face with nothing written on it.

''Miss Steele?''

''Yes?''

''Get that muffin of my plate and I suggest you eat it like I said.''

I snort ''You can take that muffin and stuff it up your arse.'' Take that you annoyingly beautiful bastard!

He licks his lips and places his muffin down. His face suddenly turns cold and impassive and I for sure do not like the look of that. I swallow loudly. ''Do not play games or you will see the wrong side of me and anyway if we were to play games we would obey _my_ rules''

I sigh deeply feeling completely powerless. ''You sound like a control freak.''

''I exercise control in all things, Miss Steele.'' The humour is back in his voice but his face appears distant from emotions. What does that mean? This man is confusing I conclude, but I still feel my heartbeat quickening. _Ana! Stay in control!_ The more I think about keeping focus and determined to get what I want the further I get from my target. The thought makes me feel uneasy.

''Whatever.'' I roll my eyes and wave my hand with disinterest towards his direction. I look around and watch other people eating and chatting away. Everyone looks at ease and involved in conversation with the people they are with. Some appear to argue and some laugh and chat loudly with friends, family or partners. When I eventually look back towards him I find a mysterious and sexy as hell smile and I fail to miss the muffin being back in place on my plate.

I scowl and open my mouth to speak but I am cut off. ''Eat.''

''No'' I nearly shout but manage to stop myself when I remember that we are in a public place.

''I haven't ordered us anything heavy to eat it's just a muffin and a coffee not a main course dinner so eat it.'' he stops briefly ''And stop attempting to grab hold of control of this conversation when I want to say something.''

Anger rises but the unmissable spark of attraction is still there even when I tried everything to brush it off. ''Stop telling me what to do!'' I snatch. His left hand lifts up to cup his chin and his long index finger starts trailing along his velvety looking lips. I think his trying to suppress a smile.

''Are you going to keep being difficult?''

I start tapping my fingers on the table ''That depends, are you going to continue being unreasonable?'' I argue.

He frowns and his eyebrows rise. I surprised him, well that's a first. ''Me unreasonable?''

I want to laugh. ''Yes.''

He chuckles looking clearly amused ''You know Anastasia. There is always purpose for my actions.''

''Well then what is your purpose of dragging me here?'' I don't dare to miss the opportunity to argue back.

He inhales a long breathe in. ''You still haven't eaten your muffin.''

''Oh my God!'' I take a massive bite out of the muffin in the most unladylike fashion possible and when I eventually swallow I continue. ''Happy?''

He grins, showing a row of perfectly lined rows of white teeth and I melt. ''Very... see you can do what you are told.''

''I am my own boss.'' I inform him.

His grin is still there ''You have potential and I would like to discuss a proposition with you.''

I shake my head in disbelief. I cannot believe he is negotiating here, this is situation that I should start discussing not him and the fact that he turned the tables is making me mad. And what makes me madder is that my stomach is still full of butterflies and my heart is thumping louder and louder. This has not gone the way I planned and I am for sure not going to allow myself to be in such a vulnerable position. I am putting an end to this.

''I hav-''

I cut him off. ''Okay Mr Grey, I think this meeting or whatever this even is should not continue and I think I should leave.'' His mouth pops open to speak but I continue. ''Do not contact me again and do not dare speak of this and of what I do after all you did sign the confidentiality agreement with Liv that you saw to arrange this... appointment or whatever. So this 'you not saying a word 'is all sorted.'' I stand up but so does he. ''I am leaving now.'' I turn on my heel and start to leave.

But I feel him following me. Just leave me alone! The sudden adrenaline rush is so high I feel like my heart is about to fall out of my mouth. I focus on controlling my breathing but it's no use I am failing miserably especially when he is behind me obviously the cause of me being all over the place.

''Anastasia don't you dare walk out on me again.''

I laugh under my breath at that ridiculous command and start running towards the spinning doors. I don't bother with an umbrella even when it is pouring down with rain outside and when I get outside in an instant my hair is stuck to my face and the rain is stabbing at my bear back. I spot a taxi and make my way towards it without a second thought. I need to leave this hotel and the controlling man with it. I jump into a taxi and when I give the taxi driver my instruction to just drive away I spin my head round and see the most magnificent dominant looking male soaked from head to toe throwing his arms up in despair as he watches me get further and further away from him. I look ahead of me again and sigh with relief. I cannot believe I actually stayed with him for that long but even after I left the feeling of desire and need is still within me and I hate myself for it.

I just really need to get home.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading this chapter :D I hope you all liked it xxx**


	6. Dr Flynn

Chapter 6

A cool breeze caresses my bear shoulders, and I shiver at the sudden coldness. I should have taken Kate's advice and taken something warmer then a thin cardigan, that is now soaked and being carried in my hands. I've been in Seattle for a while and it's turning into living hell right at this very moment. New York was home, it felt safe... and I decide to banish the memories just as quickly as they came. _But its not home anymore._ I wanted to leave, wait scrap that, I _needed_ to leave, there was just too much there for me to handle. So here I am, in Seattle, covering myself and trying to rub some life back into my body but I still felt numb. I feel confused and scared, as I mentally run through the events at Heathman hotel and conclude that whatever happened in that restaurant was way beyond anything that I have felt before. It was dangerous territory and I walked right into it. The whole time I was... with him.. I felt weak and turned on which is not a combination of emotions I felt satisfied with, it made me angry, mortified, and even embarrassed. All of which I knew he could see by the smug expression on his face and to top it all off it was all my own damn fault, of course. As soon as I saw him striding towards me with such grace in the lobby with that dangerous look in his eyes, I knew I had to get out of there. It was a simple thought back then, he is too powerful and intense and that alone can uncover more of my secrets that I am so desperately trying to hide from the world. My first instinct was to tell Christian Grey to fuck off. Why the hell didn't I do that ? Instead I let it play out to try and find out more of what he knows and the tables were turned on me. He was trying to negotiate, which was what I got from the few words I let him say but I was not in any position to negotiate anything back there. Everything in my head was going through it a million miles per hour as soon as I found out that he _knew_ and I was not just going to sit there and listen to him playing it so sneakily and calmly. I just had to leave, I repeat for the hundredth time but it doesn't sound any more convincing then the first time I said it. The judgements in my head and body are fighting, it feels as if they are two different universes colliding together and there is nothing that can stop them... not this time. While my body craves the feel of his body against it, my thoughts are screaming at me to stay away. I've started playing with fire to show him and myself that I can handle anything that life throws at me but I was wrong. He is not just Christian Grey, he is more then that, he's dangerous just like fire is to the touch. I need to stay away, I need to stay away... but even this does not calm my craving for him. What on earth is wrong with me? I start feeling more angry then anything else, but I prefer angry, and I can deal with angry.

After hours of walking and analysing everything in my head I found myself in Dr Flynn's office after refusing to go home or see anyone for that matter, I was just too overwhelmed with everything. I always ended up in the exact same spot whenever things got out of hand and when I couldn't take anymore whips thrown at me. I have been seeing Flynn for years now, here in Seattle, which is another reason as to why I convinced Kate to move here. I just wanted to be closer to him so that when the time came he was right there. The first few years of therapy were the worst and almost always I had to be dragged to them. At the age of twelve when all the horrors I've been through came out I was taken to see shrinks to help me deal with it and to move on. I remember at the time, not talking for ages, going through the past events over again, the constant fear, and not trusting anyone that spoke to me. Raymond Steele was who took me in, after finding out everything that happened from my social worker, if it wasn't for him I would not have had a normal home... a loving home. I force myself to breathe through the wave of emotions and I succeed to calm it. I just owe him so much. He was devastated and furious after he heard what my father did and how the woman he once loved and probably still did, didn't do anything to help me. She choose to stay with my father and not start a new romance with Ray. She made a huge mistake and to deal with the situation she got us both in she turned to alcohol and also turned away from me. As soon as I got to my new home, Ray took me to different shrinks all the time and after finding out that no improvement has been made I started therapy with someone else again but then he found Flynn. After that I remember that things slowly started to look less dull, I could see more colour in life and therefore more hope. I spoke again and started the long healing process that is still apparently continuing, since I am in his office right now.

I stand staring down through the slatted wooden blinds at the people running away from the rain and cars driving past to distract myself. It's almost ten at night and I am still thinking about Christian and what he knows. After the million voicemails I left on Flynn's phone I managed to get a late night appointment which for sure is going to be costly, but I can afford it so the price is not the issue.

''Ana, I'm more then happy to take your money and watch you stare out of my window, but since you are here at this time I am sure you have something important to discuss.'' Flynn says.

When I turn to face him he's observing me and is patiently waiting behind his desk. I sigh and make my way to the couch so I can have more distance from him, for now anyway.

''The nightmares are back and they are more real then ever.''

I wait for his reaction but as the professional doctor he is his wrinkly but handsome face is impassive and all I see is his brow lifting making the wrinkles more prominent. Well that's more then anything I got out of him before which can only mean one thing, I've surprise him. ''The same ones?''

''Yes''

''What has changed since the last time we spoke?'' He cocks his head to one side, looking at me, and waiting for my response. But as the coward I am I drop my gaze and look at my knotted fingers and remain silent. What can I say? That I have met a hotshot billionaire? That he knows my secret? That I crave him? That I want his hands all over me?

Instead I say ''Nothing really'' while keeping my eyes firmly on my hands and avoiding his at all costs.

''Ana, you do not look yourself and I am here trying to understand why but you are not giving anything away. Something's happened.'' I don't feel surprised that he knew I was lying, since he always knew. There was nothing I could hide from him in any session I've had with him, every time I tried I failed, which is the case here. I don't know why I even bother. Part of me wants to tell him everything but the other part doesn't as then it will become real and I'll have to deal with it the conventional way. I roll my eyes and look at him again, wanting him to see my annoyance but as always he doesn't react to it.

''I had a client today''

''And?''

''He wasn't what I expected.'' I swallow as I picture him once again in my head.

He looks surprised again. ''You've met with clients many times in the past to discuss the arrangement,'' he pauses ''and they always went smoothly as you said in our past discussions. Why wasn't he what you expected?'' He asks the one question I dread to answer and the one I wished he didn't ask. But he still did and now I will have to give him an answer.

I stare at him blankly. Why wasn't he what I expected? Because he is Christian Grey. Because he owns a huge company. Because he is beginning to become irresistible. But most importantly he found out about me. I was for sure not _expecting_ him to be there and after my undeniable attraction to him at his parents house I was sure I could put that behind me but I was so wrong.

Flynn interrupts my thoughts. ''It's a simple question, Ana''

''He _knew._ What else do you want me to say?!'' I shout, loosing the battle of keeping my anger intact and throw it at Flynn. His face remains kind and concerned but still gives nothing away even when I want him to tell me what to do.

''Anger is not going to solve anything, Ana, do you want to elaborate on that?'' The stupid thing is that I do! But if I do it will all come flooding back to me when I want it all to be blocked out. What other choice do I really have? To run? But that never solved anything in the past! Oh for crying out loud! I jump to my feet, unable to remain seated. And start pacing up and down his way to big office, I am fuming mad, and just because I can't gather my thoughts together at all. One look at Flynn and I know that he knows I am loosing it but he remains silent which is driving me more insane and crazy.

''He knows what I do.'' I whisper so quietly that I am not even aware whether he heard it.

He has ''How did you feel when you found out?'' He prompts.

I stay standing and shrug, but he persists. ''Let's start with this, what was your gut telling you to do when you saw him today?''

I look to the side at his immaculate desk as the scenario plays out in my head. ''I was in the lobby, rushing to get in for the ordinary appointment I thought I was having. But we both know it was not what I expected.'' I sigh and look at him for support. ''My first instinct was to tell him to fuck off, when I found out that he knew.''

A smile is itching its way in but I put my mask back into place. ''Why did you want to tell him that? Or better, what caused it?''

I sit back down but closer to him this time, on a chair facing him directly with no desk between us. ''He's a powerful man, Flynn, and with powerful men I know I should not mix.'' He starts typing away on his laptop but I know his full attention is still on me and so I continue. ''He gave off a dangerous feel.''

Flynn looks up and frowns. ''I don't understand.''

After putting a strand of still wet hair behind my ear I begin to explain this mess in my head. ''Any rich and powerful man has the power to find your secrets. To broadcast them everywhere, I don't want that. I hide it from my best friend, do you understand that, how hard that is?'' I look at him through the blur in my eyes, waiting for a reaction that I know I won't get. ''No one can know what I do for a living and that I enjoy it and the fact that he knows is making me feel...''

''Making you feel how?''

I cross and uncross my legs as I inhale sharply, and feel my gut tightening with fear . ''Out of control.''

He makes another note on his laptop and nods as if my crazy situation is making perfect sense. ''Have you found that hard to cope with?''

I nod.

He rubs his chin as he studies me closer. ''Let's focus on this need of hiding your secret.'' But all I manage to do is nod again while remaining very still. ''Have you thought about telling Kate, that I am aware is your best friend, is this still the case?''

''Yes'' I almost spit the word out. ''I mean she is still my best friend and yes I have thought about it many times.''

''Do you think that telling her would help you?''

''No...'' I sound confused but that's fine since I am more then that anyway. ''Telling Kate will ruin everything we have. She would find out I lied all that time, she wouldn't trust me every again.'' I snap irritated. He ignores my tone.

''Why would it ruin everything?''

''I would lose her...'' I drift off.

''Are you just scared of that?''

I shake my head. ''No, I'm scared that if I loose her I will not only not have a best friend but I would no longer have anyone bringing me back to earth...'' I rub my damp hands on my cardigan.

''...you don't want to be back onto square one of our therapy.'' He finishes off my sentence.

I offer a weak smile and lift my chin up. ''Which is why this secret has to stay behind the doors and Christian better stay out of it.'' Fuck! I said his name.

''Christian? Is that his name?'' Oh no you don't, Flynn! We are so not opening this door and when I don't answer he waits again, as if answering and saying, that you opened the door and we are going to walk right through it.

''Yes'' I sigh heavily.

''What else does he make you feel? You mentioned... danger... and said it as a bad thing. But during our previous sessions you said that danger is interesting and attractive in a man.''

My smile broadens. ''I see what you are trying to do here, doctor, but it is not happening.'' I am not having a conversation about this silly attraction I have to Grey with my therapist. There is no need for him to know that and the other reason is that I want to get him out of my head. This means that I have to stop talking and _thinking_ about him all together. _But Steele, you can't deny what you felt back there..._ My body speaks but now its not the time and place to have sex in mind and especially not about a certain mysterious individual. I stand and so does he. ''I'm sorry but I have to cut our late meeting short, I'll be in touch.'' I turn on my heels and head for the door.

''We will carry on with this matter in our next meeting.'' I hear him say but I shut the door behind me to avoid any more.

Fuck Grey.

He needs to be out of my life as quickly as he appeared in it.

Driving back home was straight forward, but only because it was the middle of the night, and there was not traffic ahead of me. I pressed my foot down on my accelerator, and waited a beat for the Audi to shoot forward. It's still raining and my windscreen wipers are desperately wiping away the rain, as I drive towards my apartment. It's been one hell of a day and my eyes feel heavy, its a clear sign that I need rest and to _forget._

After twenty minutes of driving I finally eased off the accelerator and applied the break. After taking a deep breath and taking away my trembling hands off the steering wheel, I finally got out of the car, after all I was in front of Escala. But I knew I didn't want to go in, my stomach was already twisted into more knots, just at the simple though of it. Do I really have to go in? I shake my head, feeling even more miserable then before. Am I entirely insane? Yes, I think, I am. Insane, idiotic, but most importantly weak. I look up at the sky and wonder, just for a second, what if my life was different.

I turn the key in the lock as quietly and slowly as possible, then carefully twist the knob and push the door open. I held my breath, praying that Kate was already asleep. I just want to go to my room which is just past Kate's room, but I know that she's the world's lightest sleeper so I don't think I'll make it. I'll at least try to. After closing the door behind me I turn to face the darkness in our apartment. It's very dark and I consider the darkness a good thing, maybe she really is asleep. The only light I see is the one from my night stand which I always leave on, so after my long night, I can somehow navigate my way back into my room. I start to tiptoe towards my room, I need to be as quiet as possible if don't want to wake her up. I miss out the wooden tiles that I knew that will crack beneath my feet, just a little more.

The light in the living room snap on. Shit. Fuck. Oh no.

''Ana?'' Kate's voice is a quiet and sleepy whisper.

I turn and see her stretching in our leather cream sofa, which is facing the television and our coffee table. She stretched her arms and yawns, I eye her carefully, she's already in her pyjamas and her dressing gown, she must have stayed up for me. The thought makes me uncomfortable as I know I didn't deserve that. But I still smile at her.

''Hi ,Kate,''

Kate gets up and walks towards me, looking me up and down, her eyes look tired. How long did she wait? I felt guilty. She gave me a weak smile and her eyes turned glossy. Oh no... she's going to cry. Now I feel like shit and my own vision becomes blurry as I watch her, what have I done? I'm pulled into a hug so tight, that I struggle to breath, but I refuse to complain. I need this and I want this. I slid my own arms round her so she knows I'm really here.

''I'm...so...glad your... okay, Ana,'' she hiccups her way through words. ''I was so worried, where have you been?'' She pulls away and wipes her tears away. But I don't know what to say. I can't even say I hint of truth because once I do, she'll know everything. What will I do then? ''Ana,''

I tilt my head down.''Kate, I can't tell you,''

''What the hell do you mean you can't tell me?!'' She shouts, ''You have been out almost the whole afternoon, and night, and you refuse to tell me where you have been! I was so worried about you, Ana!,'' she sounds so angry but I don't blame her, she has every right to be. ''Are you really not going to say anything...'' I remain silent like the selfish bitch I am. ''Fine!'' she takes a step away from me.. no Kate! I finally look up my vision still effected by my tears.

''Kate...''

She cuts me off. ''Why can't you be honest with me! I am here, I am your best friend, well at least I thought I was''

''But you are!''

''I have been trying to help you, for a while, and all I'm getting is 'I can't talk right not' or 'not now' or even 'I can't tell you' do you not understand how that is making me feel.'' She snaps. ''I am trying to help you and you are not letting me in. Let me help you.'' She grabs hold of my arm and waits for a reaction, anything. I bite my lip and consider my options.

* * *

 _ **Thank you for reading this chapter! I hope you all enjoyed it! Please review xxx**_


	7. Moving Away

**Hi everyone! I do apologise for the long wait! But I've finally got this chapter up and ready to go! Thank you for still reading my story and for all the support xxx**

Chapter 7

The line has truly been crossed with Katherine Kavanagh, I can see it, sense it, and it damn hurts. I blink once then twice and the image of her fades and I panic, as the vision right in front of me unfolds into my living hell.

 _He grabs my arm._

 _Ouch!_

 _''You little whore! Why didn't you bring any money?'' He spits._

 _''I... s-s-sorry,'' I stutter. Let go off my arm! It hurts! His nails are sharp like claws and they are digging into me._

 _''You're sorry...'' he laughs, ''You're sorry! Well I'm sorry, but that does not cover it, you promised!''_

 _I close my eyes, ''But.. I could...not,'' he grabs hold of my other arm, just as tightly, and lifts me off of the ground without even trying._

 _''You are going to pay for it!'' he throws me and I hit the wall, crying out in pain, feeling as if I am going to throw up._

 _''Wha.. you...'' I swallow, ''want from me?,'' I turn my head the best I can so I can see him._

 _He stops._

 _He smiles._

 _He slowly starts walking over and crouches down next to me._

 _''You are meant to be of some use...'' he says calmly, ''you are my daughter after all...''_

 _Anger, is what I feel and disgust. ''I never was and I never will be...''_

 _He frowns and looks murderous, ''You'll regret that,'' I try to move away but he grabs me again and throws me one more time so my head hits the corner of the wall. The impact is so great I begin to feel dizzy and the whole room spins. I feel blood inside my mouth. The picture on the wall, of my mother, falls off and crack right in front of me..._

 _''Go away!'' I scream._

''Go away! Go away! Go away!''

''Ana!'' I hear a mumble of my name. Who is that?

''Go away!''

''Ana.. you're safe... you're okay...'' the voice is still a soft whisper.

I open my eyes and he disappears.

I sniff and take a step back as I see what I always feared to see. Kate is giving me a look of sympathy along with her pain. The pain that I know she feels because of me. She heard it, loud and clear, for the first time. I always managed to hide my horror from her but not today, and now she doesn't even know what to say. She's scared of me, which is the one thing that I was hoping she will never feel towards me. I crossed that line big time and all I do is stare at my distraught best friend. But I don't feel anything which is even more terrifying to me, as I know I should do something, but I don't and instead I blink blankly up at her. The tears began to flow a while ago but there is nothing for me to feel, I feel empty.

''Ana... what was that?'' she attempts a step forward but I throw my hands up as a defensive gesture and flinch away. She noticed and I don't miss the shadow of guilt and hurt passing through her still beautiful green eyes. ''I can help you, let me help you,'' she tries to sooth me as if I was a broken child.

''No.'' I mumble softly and turn away from her. I can't do this, I just can't. I stride towards my room without even looking back at her, I know it's cruel to shut her out like this, but this is too much. I cannot stay any god damn minute longer in this house. The door to my room is practically kicked down and almost falls off the hinges when I open it. _Yeah take it out on the door, as if that's going to help you._ I ignore the voice inside my head as well as my emotions. I have one aim right now and that is to pack my bags and leave, so as soon as I am in my room, I reach underneath my bed and take out my red travel bag. If I don't leave now I'll never leave.

''Ana... what the hell are you doing?'' she comes rushing into my room, ''You are not leaving! I'm not letting you! Not in this state!''

I ignore her and face my wardrobe, I take couple of pairs of jeans, some cotton plain tops, jumpers, and also take some underwear. My moves are clumsy and disorientated as the blur images of him return back into my head. I hold my bed for some support before I lose my balance all together. _Just a little longer Ana._

''Do you really think this is going to solve anything?'' I hear her tap her foot on the wooden tiles, her way of telling me to look at her, but I didn't. I cringed, my shoulders creeping towards my ears. I was embarrassed better more horrified at what she just saw, I fell apart, I just lost it. There was a long pause, the silence chilled the air between us and neither of us said a word. I knew she was the one waiting for me to explain myself.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to relaxed my mind but the tension became so intense it created a wall, that I just couldn't get past. I was destroying us, our friendship, but I needed time. I felt goose bumps appearing on my arms as I heard the floor creak and I jumped. The vision I saw happened so fast and quickly I couldn't get it out of my head not even for, Kate.

Oh Kate, I tried to picture her right now. Standing behind me with her tear stained face waiting for me. The image broke my heart into even more pieces then it already was. I sniffed but still managed to wipe my damp cheeks and carry on stuffing things in my bag. The decision was final.

''I see... you've... decided'' She hiccups through words and I squeezed my eyes shut, hating myself further. I knew she was testing me, she was waiting for a sign, anything, just like she always does. I gave her the answer the one I knew I could handle. I heard her walk away and that hurt but I decided to do this and in this time and place I knew it was the right thing to do, at least I hoped so.

I shut my travel bag and put it over my shoulder.

I stood in the threshold of my room and admired it. The corners of my lips started to lift as I remembered how me and Kate were decorating it and how she was fusing for over an hour about my crystal chandelier and whether it was in the centre or not. I smiled further remembering how funny that moment was. Everything in here was perfect, my pale blue walls, my simple single bed and of course my fluffy white carpet next to my bed that I enjoyed the feel off under my feet, especially in the mornings. My paintings on the walls were put up to make the whole place more... me I guess. I always looked at them, the ocean one was my favourite one I painted. I could already picture myself there, the sand beneath my feet would relax me, the ocean breeze would mess up my hair but I wouldn't care at least I would be far away. The other two painting were of my friends, Kate, Jose, Sam, and Liz. Every painting showed smiles and anyone who would be looking at those paintings would think I have an easy going life since I am surrounded by so much love and creativity, how wrong they would be. I looked away even though I didn't want to, it was always a habit for me to get lost in my own thoughts whenever I looked at my paintings. I knew I was on the verge of crying, but I pushed that urge way down like always and pursed my lips together. This room was meant to be a new beginning for me but it only seems to be a new beginning to another horror story.

I didn't bother taking anything else from my room even though I had so many things there that I wanted to take. But somewhere deep inside there was a slight spark that I may return. I went down the corridor in a complete daze which is why I probably couldn't recall how I got myself into my car. The one thing that I did remember is Kate in our kitchen that I went passed and with just one glance I knew she was distraught. My heart was hammering in my chest so hard I could have sworn I could hear it getting louder and louder by the second. I closed my eyes for second before I started the engine of the Audi and once I reopened them I knew where I needed to be at this exact moment. I needed Jose. I put my car into reverse and turned the wheel to get out of the drive.

''Call Jose'' I commanded to my car.

''Calling...Jose'' it replied.

Its starting to ring and I said a quick prey hoping that he was going to pick up and just when I was about to end the call I heard his sleepy and definitely disorientated voice that put a smile on my face. ''Ana?''

''Hey, Jose, first off I'm sorry I am calling so late,'' my gaze drifted to the digital clock and I was shocked to see it said two in the morning. Where has the time gone?

I heard movement and more shuffling before he spoke again, ''No problem, Ana, you know I'm always here when you need me. What's up?''

Oh god where to begin, I starting tapping on the steering wheel. Its started to become a nervous habit that I was beginning to hate.

''I'm coming to yours,''

''Wow.. ermm now?'' his voice sounded more controlled and steady then before. Maybe I shouldn't have dropped a massive bomb like that on him especially at this time in the night. Mentally I crossed my fingers begging that he would say yes.

''Yes I'm not too far off,''

''I'm obviously not going to say no to such a sexy woman like you,'' he purred.

I laughed,''Easy there tiger you need to buy me dinner first.''

I could feel him grinning, ''No problem there sweetheart,'' there was a slight pause and a shuffle again,''Let me tell the front desk you coming... and Ana?''

I stopped at the red light, ''Yes?''

''You have a hell of a lot of explaining to do as soon as your arse crosses that threshold.''

''Don't worry you'll get it,'' I bit my lip ''See you in a bit.''

I arrived at 10th Avenue street only ten minutes after our call. I was right when I said I wasn't far off. This area of Seattle always made me wonder why Kate didn't want to move here instead as it was simply a beautiful place to live. But instead we chose Escala but then again her dad is very hard on security and insisted that Escala has the highest level of security then any other building in Seattle so Kate didn't exactly have a choice as arguing with him wouldn't have made any difference. I sighed and finally got out of the car and locked it.

Once the receptionist at the front desk let me through I was on my way up to the 10th floor of this extraordinary building. The porcelain tiles ran in the main lobby and even in the lift by the looks of it. This building did remind me a lot of Escala ever since my foot stepped into Jose's building. The plants were placed perfectly at each corner of the building and one was even in the lift but in an exclusive place like this things get looked after. There was not even a speck of dust anywhere in sight. The whole place was well lit and whenever I looked up I had to shield my eyes from the bright lights positioned in a perfect line that ran down the centre of the vast lobby and also in the lift. The ride up was quick and as soon as the soothing voice in the lift spoke and said that the doors are opening I started my way to Jose's apartment.

''Honey I'm home,'' I blurred out, and moment later I was met with Jose. He changed his hair that's for sure, his once dark nearly shoulder length hair was now cut short and messy looking on top of his head. It was a definite sign that he not long got out of bed. His hazel eyes were smiling which was always something I loved about him and something I wasn't aware I missed until now. He was grinning at me showing his pearly white teeth that I knew from Kate were whitened not so long ago and I was truly impressed by the result.

My gaze fell on his naked chest and it was then that I noticed that he only wore his jeans that I assumed he quickly pulled on before he came to greet me. He was well built and lean but there was defiantly some more definition in his stomach muscles since the last time I saw him on our holiday. I wasn't going to lie to myself he looked delicious especially for someone who only recently woke up.

''Well hello there,'' his eyes travelled down my body and I became self concious as I knew I must have looked like a disaster next to him, which was confirmed when he frowned at me. ''Ana, what's wrong?'' his cheekiness was gone.

''Everything Jose,'' I dropped my head down too ashamed to even look at him.

''Oh sweetheart,'' within seconds I felt his warm chest again me and felt his even heart beat. I closed my eyes briefly as I inhaled his sweet scent. He smelled so fresh and minty and I concluded he had a shower. When he pulled back I knew I had to start my explaining.

''You got some red wine?''

His eyes widened, ''That bad huh?'' Jose knew that I only drank red wine whenever I was in my severely depressed stage or whenever a guy has fucked me over. Right now it felt like both, even though there wasn't any relationship involved but Christian, he was the the problem, and he was the first thing in the first wagon on the train of misery that I knew I was on.

I nodded

''Sure I have a stash, follow me.''

I smiled and did as he asked. I looked around the living space and was impressed by the amount of pictures that were on each wall. If someone other than Jose was to do this it would look cluttered but he made it look artist and modern. Every photograph he took told a story and whenever I looked at his work I was truly inspired. There were so many landscapes of sunsets, beaches, and simply forests and buildings. But there were also photographs of women along with men, and most had minimal clothing on. It still suited the scene he created in his house and I was glad I saw more worked getting added to his collection.

I made myself at home and sat down on his cream leather sofa and I felt the coldness of it even though I knew I was already cold myself. I placed my bag and my phone on the coffee table right in front of the TV. I grabbed the remote to the music station that I knew he always placed his phone into and switched it on. In an instant Moonlight Sonata by Ludwig Van Beethoven filled the brief silence and I managed a smile. I loved a bit of classical music whenever I needed some relaxation and Jose played this song a lot which suited me just fine in this very moment.

''Moonlight Sonata it is then?'' I turned my head and smiled again.''It truly is a beautiful piece of music,'' he passed me my glass of deep red wine and took a seat next to me. I swirled the glass in my hand and watched the wine spill around the glass like waves. I found it fascinating.

''Are you going to make me squeeze this out of you or are you going to tell me?''

I looked away and took a sip, loving the harsh taste of the strong wine making its way down into my mouth. ''It's a long story, Jose, and I'll try my best to tell you, I have to tell somebody or I'll go crazy.''

''I have all the time in the world, baby girl,''

I looked at him then and took strength from the reassuring smile he was offering me. ''I had a huge fight with Kate, like a really huge one.''

''You guys always make up,''

I shook my head, ''You didn't see the look she was giving me... and what she said... oh god Jose I really screwed up this time.'' I felt tears swimming in my eyes but I didn't want to cry, not then.''She was talking about the visions and the nightmares I have...''

''She knows?'' he didn't try to hide the surprise in his voice.

I swallowed ''I had one in front of her and she suspected it before I think and let's face it was I really going to hide this from Kate?,''

He let out a chuckle which calmed me down a bit, ''No you wouldn't not with Kate, but why was is such a big fight?,''

''Because I refused to tell her about them and then I packed up and left...''

He frowned ''You packed up?'' which is then when he saw my travel back on his coffee table, ''Oh, that's what you mean,''

I felt horrible as I knew I shouldn't just trample all over Jose apartment but I wanted to be with him.

''I'm sorry, Jose,'' my lips quivered.

He put a hand on my thigh and I gasped, ''Don't you dare apologise for this, sweetheart.'' my gaze met his, ''You needed to talk to someone as you said yourself and I quote 'I'll go crazy,''

I took another sip, but this time a longer one, ''You know how Kate is, she won't drop it until I'll tell her and she already thinks I'm loosing it so she will be even more persistent.''

He dropped his hand and I went cold all over again, ''Maybe you should tell her,''

''No,''

''But as you said yourself she will not drop it and if you want to be friends with her you are going to have to tell her,''

I stood up and placed my empty glass on the table, ''You know I can't,''

I started to walk to the island in the middle of the kitchen and Jose followed, ''Kate's been your best friend for years and its obvious she wants to help you,''

I stopped and placed my palms flat on the granite workshop on the island, ''But she can't help me,'' I raised my voice.

Jose placed his hand at the small of my back, ''You know I'm right and you should tell her,''

''I know but I don't want to stir the pot even more, you are the only person that knows about my nightmares,''

''Why did you tell me?''

I took a step back and his arm fell to his side, ''Because...because...I...'' I didn't know what to say or maybe I did but I didn't know how to put it all into words so instead I said. ''Because its simple with you,''

''Why?''

''Stop asking so many questions?'' I grinned,

He grinned back ''Isn't this what you wanted?''

I elbowed him in the side, ''You're just being nosy,''

''That hurt,''

I rolled my eyes ''Don't be such a baby,''

''You want some food?''

I had to laugh than, Jose's answer to problems was always food, ''Sure what have you got?''

''I have pizza, pizza and...pizza,''

I followed him to the freezer and took out the pepperoni pizza, ''I'll take the pizza,''

''Great choice,''

After we put the pizza on we sat back down on the sofa and watched Jose's favourite collection of James Bond films. He was so obsessed I sometimes thought he was his own version of James Bond. It felt so good sitting here with him and finally allowing my brain to recharge from all the drama that has been happening in my life recently. He was such a funny guy to be around and he always put me in a better state of mind. I looked up at him from beneath my lashes and smiled as I saw how concentrated he was at the TV, he put his whole mind to it just like he does with everything else in his life and I truly admired that. He ran his index finger along his lips as he leaned forward and frowned. Curious I looked at the TV and watched as Bond jumped on the train and started firing bullets. I didn't get his fascination with Bond but I watched each and every film with him a dozen of time and even though he watched them back to front so many time before you wouldn't be able to move him from this seat before the film finished.

Time flew by and when the film finished I finally managed to stretch.

''I managed to land myself a new contract,'' Jose said out of the blue.

I jumped up and hugged him out of excitement, ''Oh my god, that's amazing,''

He hugged me back and chuckled, ''We should celebrate,'' I sang in his ear,

''Easy there tiger, you need to buy me dinner first,'' I punched him in the shoulder.

''Shut up, you horny beast, I wasn't talking about sex,''

''But you wish you were,''

I gasped and laughed again, ''What's gone into you Jose? Has your sex life gone from existent to non existent lately?'' I teased.

''Maybe we should talk about your sex life for a change?'' he teased back,

I started my way to the guest bedroom, ''My sex life is fine thank you very much but-''

''But what?'' he shouted after me.

Crap

''What have I missed?''

Double crap

''Nothing!'' I burst out

''You are so not getting away with that,'' I ran towards the quest bedroom by passing his room and the studio but he ran too.

I started to laugh again, ''You have to catch me first,''

''Oh you are so on,''

I looked back and he was right behind me, I squealed.

 _Nearly there_

I reached the door knob to the room and just as I was about to turn it I got pushed against the door instead. His strong arms were on either side of me, caging me. My breath was rapid and I was surprised my legs didn't give in after the exhausting day and evening I've had.

''So, Ana, now that I've caught you. You have to spill.'' He breathed down my neck. ''I know there's more.''

I ducked under his arm and crossed my arms over my chest, ''Fine, rules are rules,'' He smiled. ''I've met a guy,''

Jose raised his eyebrows ''Well this is interesting,'' He leaned against the door, ''Spill more, Steele.''

''He... he makes me feel different.'' I feel myself blush.

He ran his fingers through his hair, ''You want him and you got it bad''

I attempted to punch him but his big hand caught my fist. ''Shut up.'' I blush harder. _God damn it!_

''You have it so bad, Steele,'' he carried on teasing me.

I narrowed my eyes, ''Shut up,'' I went for another punch but he caught that hand too.

''So tell me who is the lucky guy?''

''And why would I tell you?'' I pushed back from him.

''As you know you can be yourself around me and therefore tell me anything you want as you know I will never judge you,''

He had a point even when I hated to admit it to myself. His hazel eyes were laughing as he knew I couldn't say no to that. I could be a total bitch to him or I could even murder someone and he would never judge me which is why I always acted myself around him and even allowed some of my crazy side out. ''Maybe next time,''

He shook his head and offered me a smile that showed his cute dimple on his right cheek. It made him look younger and cuter. ''We could have played some role play and I could have been your Mr Perfect for the night,'' he winked at me.

I blushed but laughed at his cheekiness again. He remembers as well as I do that _night._ There is still a slight fog there but I still remember my 21st birthday and what happened between me and my friend Jose. I remember the drinking, the dancing and all the laughter. I was having a good time and I was laughing every single part of it. I was too drunk that night to be trusted to make my own way home so Jose offered to take me as Kate was already occupied with her boyfriend at the time.

* * *

 _''Jose!'' I giggled._

 _''Ana, come this way and be quieter you'll wake up the whole neighbourhood.'' He laughed at my ridiculous behaviour._

 _''But why can't we be loud I love being loud!''_

 _He laughed a proper belly laugh, ''We're nearly there!''_

We got home and he offered to stay till Kate got back but he ended up falling asleep. The next morning a huge headache hit me like a tsunami. I remember waking Jose up and asking for an orange juice and the morning flew by. We were talking for hours and things changed between us in that moment.

 _''Jose, please,''_

 _''You sure you want to do this?'' He looked me right in the eyes as he lowered his face to my lips._

 _''Yes,'' I nodded._

 _He kissed me._

 _He touched me._

* * *

I twirled a piece of my hair in my fingers. That was the only night that we ever had sex. I'm not going to say that it was a mistake because it wasn't as I knew I wanted it. We agreed after that this will never be said to anyone so we kept it a secret and became the best of friends after. I didn't want to go there not now anyway.

''Earth to Ana,''

''Sorry, I'm just really tired,''

''No wonder you haven't slept at all,''

''I should go, goodnight,'' I offered a smile.

''Wait,'' he grabbed hold of my left arm. ''Will you come to a meeting with me tomorrow? Errm... I mean today... later today?''

I giggled, ''Of course,''

''Promise?''

''I promise,''

''Thank you,''

''Who is this meeting with anyway?'' I turned the door knob and went inside the guest room to prepare the bed for myself. I started to take off the majority of the pillows off of the bed.

''Christian Grey, this rich guy I'm sure you've heard of him and he wants to buy my photographs,'' I paused, if only he knew how well I actually knew Christian Grey or maybe how well he actually knew me. The mention of his name alone, made me shiver and my heart skipped a beat. How can I go with Jose to this meeting? I can't!

''What's wrong, Ana? You gone really flushed,''

''Its nothing but I just got... stuff to do later so I can't go,'' I turn my back to him so he doesn't see my face.

''You promised and anyway you're lying,'' I hear amusement in his voice.

I walk to the bathroom to turn the shower on. ''But-''

He cuts me off ''No buts you coming with me, see you in a couple of hours. Get some sleep, Ana,'' He walks towards me and kisses me on the forehead and give me one last hug before he leaves.

After my long shower I sit on the edge of the bed with a towel wrapped round me and grab hold of the soft duvet so hard that my knuckles turn white. I felt tingly all over and my legs refused to move. I was only a few hours away from seeing Christian and I was going to dread every single second of it. I just knew it.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! Please review xxx**


	8. Deal

**Hey everyone! Chapter 8 is finally here! I do hope you will enjoy it :) xxx**

Chapter 8

''Get up, sweetheart,'' Jose says with a laugh. _Here we go._ I mentally roll my eyes. The day that I was dreading has come. I jerk my head up and squint when Jose pulls the curtains wide open allowing the morning sunlight to come flooding into the guest room. I glare at him through the brunette curtain of my bed head. ''What are you doing? The sun is just appearing and here you are looking well too energetic.''

I pull the covers up to avoid the bright sun.

He chuckles and before I know it the covers are ripped off me completely. ''Hey!'' I shout and attempt to grab the covers again. But he slaps my hand away and flops on the bed beside me. ''Leave me alone,'' I mumble

''If I remembered correctly, _you_ , promised to assist me in a meeting.''

I shake my head and snort. ''You think you so clever,'' I blink up at him to adjust my eyes to the brightness around me.

Jose grins and leans back on his forearm, looking way too happy with himself. But then why wouldn't he? After all he managed to persuade me to go to one of his meetings. Forcing myself to relax, I hug my pillow, anticipation as well as fear knotting in my stomach. I hated the two, maybe because I haven't dealt with that combination a lot. I glanced out the window at the dreary smog filled sky and thought that even the clouds looked like they are about to burst with emotion.

''Come we're going to be late if we don't get this thing rolling...'' he glances at his watch, ''Shit! Like now!'' he jumps of the bed and I groan. ''You are to be downstairs ready to go in five!'' his voice dulls down as he gets further away from the room. After letting his words sink in I too bolt out of bed. Five minutes! Is he crazy?! Or is this some kind of joke?

I huff and stroll out of the room in my underwear. I throw myself over the banister, ''Are you serious ?!'' I yell at him,

''Yep so I suggest you stop the questions and get a move on, the Grey's hate the word late,''

I rifle through my clothes in my travel bag trying to desperately find something suitable to wear. Since I left Kate's in such a rush I didn't have any formal wear with me, I was planning to go back and pick the rest of my clothes this evening, I throw my t-shirt on the floor. _God damn it!_ I get even more flustered when I remember that Jose was a man who rarely looked anything less than absolutely gorgeous on any day. Whereas there I'll be, standing next to him, wearing a plain top and jeans that will probably have a stain on them knowing my hopeless laundry skills. _Just great._

''You're not even dressed yet?'' I turn my head and pout. ''Don't do puppy eyes with me, why aren't you dressed?'' He asks again. My eyes flashed back to his, I fully expected he wasn't going to drop this issue and even when frowning he was a knockout, making my self-esteem drop down further.

I felt his hand on my shoulder giving me a reassuring squeeze. He crouched down next to me.

''Why the pout?''

I looked at my travel bag and the now messy cream carpet full of my clothes. ''I haven't got anything to wear''

''There's got to be something''

I stood up and picked up my jeans, ''How about... stained black jeans...'' I paused to pick up a blue

silky tank top, ''...or a creased top.''

He finally nodded, ''Okay point taken, I'll be right back.''

I stare in disbelief at his back as he walks away from me. Where is he going?

A moment later he comes back into my room again but this time he carries a brown box. A deep frown appears on my face and I cross my arms over my chest. He dazzles me with his winning smile and hands me the box which I take... eventually. I placed it on the bed and looked at him, my eyes wide full of confusion.

''I was going to wait till next week for your birthday but since this is a fashion emergency, as you girls call it,''

I giggled

''Well open it,''

With shaking hands I carefully lifted off the lid to the box. I saw black wrapping paper but besides that a small business size card. It was written in Jose's neat handwriting that said

To my happiness, to my joy and most importantly to my best friend. From Jose

My lip quivered as happiness wrapped around me. I was holding my tears back but when Jose hugged me they ran down my cheeks. I wanted him to know how grateful I was for having a best friend like him but no words came out. When I finished his forearm was covered with my tears which I obviously apologised for.

''Don't apologise, open your gift,'' I grinned through my remaining tears and pushed the black wrapper away and what greeted me was something I would never have imagined. I swallowed loudly which I am sure he heard as I could feel his smile. ''Now you can get ready but try your best to be quick, we are really pushing for time,'' he left.

I admired the woman staring back at me in the long mirror which hanged in the living room of Jose's apartment. The dress Jose picked was fire engine red which was a colour that screamed confidence. It hung on one shoulder, cutting diagonally across my cleavage, it was very figure hugging but flared out at the hips. What shocked me the most was the back which was a v cut and the only thing there was, a gold glittering chain that went across my back, it kept the front from falling off. It was knee length which made it an acceptable choice for a business meeting. I'll just have to wear a jacket to cover the back. My heels that were also in the box were golden and laced around my foot delicately and ended just above my ankle.

I grabbed my jacket and went down to the lobby where he told me he would be. As soon as I got there he came jogging up to me.

''Well, well, look at you,'' I gestured in his direction.

''It's just something I quickly picked out,'' I raised my eyebrows. Regardless the amount of time Jose had to get ready he looked stunning especially wearing one of his Giorgio Armani three- piece suits, which was navy this time, he wore a bright white shirt, and a navy tie that was hanging loosely. Jose already managed to get attention from by-passing women in the lobby but as soon as their stares met mine I was given sour glances in return.

''Wait,'' I lifted my hands to fix his tie, ''Now we can go,'' I offered a smile since I could tell he was nervous.

''Thank you,'' his lips lifted. ''Hold this,'' he passed me a folder, ''We'll take your car it'll be easier since you parked in front of mine,''

''Shit, sorry!''

He shook his head,''Don't worry about it we need to go,''

Thankfully the traffic was in our favour and we were weaving in between cars with no problem. I remained within the speed limit as I knew Jose hated when I didn't. My foot was twitching over the accelerator that I wanted to so desperately press but I restrained myself. Even though I didn't know why Jose always freaked out whenever I accelerated. My stilettos made it harder for me to feel the fluid movements of my car but I still managed. I licked my dry lips and sighed remembering our destination that we were going to arrive in approximately ten minutes, which was what my sat nav has been showing.

We reach our destination with only ten minutes to spare but we weren't late and I felt my hands relax on the steering wheel. I've been tensed during the whole journey without even being aware of it until now. Jose has been quiet and so I glanced at him.

He's yanking the collar of his shirt, trying to readjust it. ''Stop, you look fine''

He runs his hand through his tie, ''I can't Ana, this is a huge deal for me, it could open so many different doors for my career.''

I put my hands in my lap, ''Jose, you're one of the best photographers, Seattle knows! You'll win him over!''

''He's hard to impress...'' he drifts off and turns his head towards the building we parked in front.

''We need to go,'' I get out the car and lock it when Jose stands next to me on the pavement.

I tipped my head back and allowed my eyes to stare at the impressive and immaculate building in front of us. It was a sleek spire building that shimmered when sunlight hit it and pierced through the clouds that appeared even darker then before. From Jose's description of this building I knew that the interior will be as awe-inspiring as the structure itself. My gaze finds the entrance door and I notice 'Grey House' written discreetly in steel but once my gaze locked onto it, it screamed boldness and arrogance like the man himself. We walked in silence up the white concrete steps and finally reached the lobby which was just as intimidating as the outside. The silver veined marble ran through the whole vast area, which included the walls. Behind the immaculate aluminium desk sat a blonde woman and as soon as we neared her, she looked up at us and offered a customer kind of smile which I knew was forced by the tension in her eyes. She didn't want to be here just as much as I didn't. I don't fail to notice that she's well groomed and very attractive. She's wearing a black suit jacket and a white shirt. Not a single strand of hair was out of place in her ponytail.

Jose steps forwards and lays his palms flat on the desk, ''We're here to see, Mr Grey,''

''What's yours and the lady's name?'' Her gaze jumped to me and then lingered on Jose. _Typical._

''I'm Mr Rodriguez and this is Miss Steele,''

''One moment, Sir,'' She starts typing away on the keyboard

I tried to remain still but I lost the battle and started to fidget with one of the buttons on my black jacket. I began to step from foot to foot as I observed the woman. She was immaculate just as the building itself and I instantly felt out of place. _What?!_ I snap at myself for even thinking this. I was already loosing the battle with my mind as well as my body, I concluded. It's this building... I tell myself over and over again but I know its far from the truth. _Its him._ I clench my eyes shut and breath out calmly.

''Mr Grey will see you in just a moment, just take the elevators on your left and press the twenty-fifth floor'' she gestures towards the elevators,

After thanking her we find our way to the elevators and press the floor that Miss Fake Smile told us to press. The elevator shoots up and when the doors swing open I staggered but manage to balance myself before leaving the elevator. My nerves coiled round me, just like a spider wrapped its prey in the cob web, there was no escape from it. _Think of Jose._ The angel in my mind screamed at me but the devil was still there and kept pushing. _If you leave this building everything will be fine._ I was fighting the urge to run but the look of determination on Jose face stops me. I am here for him, I remind myself. I am not letting down yet another person, I mentally sulk when I think of Kate.

''Ready?'' Jose startles me,

I regain my composure, ''Yes,''

''Mr Grey will see you now,'' Mine and Jose's eyes shift to Miss Blonde Number Two. Another blonde? And just as immaculate as the first ''Follow me,''

We follow her through yet another perfectly decorated corridor, pictures of awards and of successful projects have been placed on either side of the walls. How many has there been? Has it all been achieved by Grey? Have I really underestimated him so much? Mr Grey not only had a god like body but he also had his mind focused on business and his success showed.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts about, Grey, I walked into Blonde Number Two, ''I'm sorry,'' I offer an apologetic smile.

''It's Okay,'' When she smiles I can tell that this one is sincere by the warmth look in her eyes. She opens the door, ''Here we go,''

I glanced at my phone for the last time and found that we were three minutes late, crap.

Jose walks in first and after a sigh I walk in too.

Christian Grey was sitting at a large dark mahogany desk, typing on his computer. He didn't look up or even slow his strokes. We might as well not even entered, I dropped my eyes. I couldn't stare at him for long he just effected me too god damn much and this was meant to be a formal meeting, about Jose. _Get it together._

He was still typing

We stood next to each other in silence and waited. My grip on Jose's folder tightened and nerves rose again. How long have we been standing here? Five minutes? Or maybe ten? I completely lost track of time. I was too tensed. Too flushed. And just because he's in the room with me. Did he notice us come in? Or were we ghosts to him? I started to count my breaths to occupy my mind and I felt my heart slow its rocket speed.

He stopped typing.

''Mr Rodriguez'' I jumped at his confident tone, ''Miss Steele''

I looked at him and my legs nearly gave way. He pushed his chair back, the wheels rolling loudly on the hardwood floor which was the second loudest sound in the room along with my racing heart. My mouth popped open as I watched him walk towards us, his strides were confident and even. Photographs never did the man justice. He was dressed to perfection, with his five thousand dollar grey suit, white shirt and a gray tie. He wasn't just very attractive he was captivating, everything about him was. I blink rapidly, my eyelids matching the speed of my heart hammering. His eyes darkened and he smirked.

''You're late,'' he says simply.

I felt tension radiating from Jose, ''We do apologise,Mr Grey there was a lot of traffic on the way,'' he lied but we had to have some rational explanation.

He nodded, ''Next time leave earlier, and get to my office at least ten minutes early,''

''Yes Sir,''

''Very well,'' His voice warm and possibly amused, but why? He extended his long fingered hand towards Jose. What could those hands do? I pressed my legs together to dull the ache. I rubbed my sweaty hands on the jacket, the temperature in the room was rising. Or was it just me?

Jose put his hands in his, and they shook. ''It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Grey.''

He smiled and I couldn't look away.

He looked at me.

My heart stopped.

My breath hitched.

''Miss Steele,'' He extends his hand to me this time. I hesitantly place my hand in his, he tightens his grip. In that moment a strange cold as well as warm shiver ran up my arm. I withdraw my hand quickly but didn't fail to miss the frown on Grey's face. What the hell was that? Static. It must be.

''Would you both like to sit?'' He gestures towards the massive conference table in his office. It is then that I finally peel my gaze away from him and look around his office. His office is way too big for just one man. There are huge floor to ceiling windows on one wall of his office that overlook the beautiful city of Seattle. Everything is white, the floors, the walls and even the ceiling. The office looked bright but clinical. There was nothing personal on his office desk, besides only four sharpened pencils and also four black pens, which were neatly placed there. There was a computer which looked very high tech and also some paperwork which were stacked to perfection on one corner of his desk.

''Yes,'' Jose replies and we walked towards the conference table. Grey's in front and I follow like a puppet behind.

He lowers himself into the chair, right at the top of the table. Me and Jose sit opposite each other about two chairs away from Grey. I stared at the folder that I placed carefully on the glass table we sat on. Power radiated from him and was crashing towards me like a tsunami and those powerful waves made him dark and dangerous. I glanced through beneath my lashes and turned my head slightly, observing his movements. He ran one hand through his copper waves whereas the other held a pencil that he was twisting in his hand.

''Mr Rodriguez, shall we begin?''

I looked across the table to Jose, who put on his best ready-for-business face.

''Yes,'' he stood and walked towards a whiteboard and placed his laptop on the edge of the table. He switched it on and straightened again. ''I brought my assistant with me today, Sir, I hope you don't mind,''

I refused to look at Christian.

''Not at all, we've met.'' he murmured, the vibrations of his voice travelled to the deepest and most intimate parts of my body. He needed to stop talking, like now. Did he really have to say that? I tapped my fingers on the folder, anything to distract myself from the building desire inside of me.

''Oh, I see,'' Jose looked at me but I refused to look at him either. ''Okay,'' he started.

I tried to stay still for the next hour as Jose presented his portfolio with his photographs to Grey, I knew they were all breathtaking since he was one of the best photographers Seattle had. I watched and listened to Jose as he answered all of Grey's questions and made suggestions whenever he had any concerns. I admired how relaxed and passionate about his work Jose became. He wanted to sell his photographs to him and that goal showed, I was even ready to throw money on the table. But was Grey? I turned away from Jose and from the corner of my eye I watched him, his right arm rested on the table and his fingers were stroking the top of it. His other hand was placed under his chin as he listened to Jose speaking. A section of his wrist got exposed by the new positioning of his left arm and for some crazy reason that small sight of exposed golden tanned skin made my clit throb for attention. I wanted those hands on me. I needed them on me. I knew he could make me orgasm by just speaking to me long enough.

His face was impassive as his full focus was on Jose's presentation so I couldn't tell what he thought. My fingers curled round the folder so hard my knuckles turned white.

''Thank you for the presentation, Mr Rodriguez, I have one issue...'' he says as they wrap things up. What kind of issue would he have? The presentation went perfect.

''What is the issue, Mr Grey, I am sure we can resolve it.''

Christian smiled but it wasn't a convincing smile. ''Remember our conversation on the phone, Mr Rodriguez?''

Jose puts his hands behind his back, ''Of course,''

Grey stood, ''Well then you will remember that I was very clear and I mean very, about not being late,''

Jose didn't say anything and so Grey continued. ''I mean if I was to hire you to supply my photographs I would expect them to arrive at a given time and date, not any second later,''

''Why did you let me continue?''

He walked towards him, ''Because Mr Rodriguez I was curious and I am truly impressed by your work but the word late simply does not appear in my dictionary, do you think it's professional to be late?'' He raised his eyebrows as if he was waiting for Jose to bite back.

He didn't, ''No, no its not,''

''Well then, we are done,''

I stared with anger at Grey. Did he really just let this all play out even though he knew he would not hire Jose? And for what? To feed his own curiosity? He pissed me off further when he so casually walked off and left me and Jose in the conference area of his office. It felt like we were objects that could easily be disregarded and picked up whenever _he_ decided. Fury flowed through me, I couldn't help it. How dare he! He lead Jose believe there was a chance for a job and then just blow it off like that!

I stared at Jose and he knew I was angry but he mouthed 'lets go,' but instead of leaving I straightened in my chair, ready for action. I glanced in the general area where Grey was and when I was satisfied we were out of earshot I whispered, ''Give me ten,''

''What are you doing? We have to go,'' he whispered back and grabbed hold of my elbow to drag me with him.

I refused to budge.

''Is there a problem?'' Grey's hoarse voice filled the tension between Jose and me.

''Yes actually there is,'' I gathered as much confidence as I could.

Rising to my feet, I walked towards his desk, I was hyper-aware of his stare and his presence all together.

''Maybe I can help?'' he remained seated not in the least bit intimidated by my tone.

''Yes actually, I think you can,'' I crossed my arms over my chest and looked over my shoulder at Jose, ''Would you give us a minute?''

''We have to be somewhere in a bit,'' he was lying.

''If, Miss Steele wishes to have a word with me in private, then she will get it,'' Christian interrupted.

''Fine, thank you for the meeting, Mr Grey,'' he looked stiff and tense as he left me and Christian in the office.

The door closed.

My confidence fled as quickly as it came the longer the silence filled the air between us. I felt my anger flow away but I knew what I wanted to get across and I finally found my voice.

''Why did you do it?''

''Miss Steele, you talk?'' a ghost of a smile formed on his sinful mouth. Awareness of him prickled along my skin. He was such a strong force even in such a big space. I was sure he caused a disturbance with his presence where ever he went, what would it be like to be so good looking? His gaze was sharp as he observed me. The intensity of it was searing and it felt like his whole attention was focused on me. It made me feel sorry for Jose who was under that heated gaze for more then an hour. The now familiar electricity crackled to life between us, I still couldn't explain it and I didn't have time to allow my mind to linger onto that thought. I needed to talk to Grey, professionally.

''Yes I talk, and as I remember clearly I have an issue that I would like to address with you,'' I neared his desk.

He lifted his head and half smiled at me, ''Yes, I'm fully aware that you have an issue, Anastasia, which is why I cleared the room,''

I rolled my eyes, ''I want you to hire Jose,''

He stood up and walked round his desk, leaned against it and crossed his arms. I took a step back. ''Miss Steele, I already explained to you that I cannot hire Jose and I gave you a valid reason,''

''But I don't agree with your reason,''

''Do you think I have time for people who are late?'' I knew it was a rhetorical question so I remained quiet. ''No, I don't, I have a team of people that I can trust and rely on and they know that they have to carry out their tasks on _time._ ''

I frowned, ''Jose's work is the best you will ever get,''

''Very persistent, I see,''

''Yes,'' I met his gaze with my own level of intensity.

He pushes himself off his desk and takes a small step towards me. I lift my chin up slightly to appear unaffected to him but having him this close has all my nerves frying. I saw his gaze darken further and I felt that shiver again but this time he didn't touch me, so why did I feel it?

His voice lowered, sounding intimate. ''So you think that I am going to listen to you after you didn't listen to me,''

I scowled, ''What are you talking about?''

He let out a small laugh, ''I'm talking about what happened at Heathman,''

I gasped, ''Oh,''

''Yes, Oh. So may I ask why you left?'' He raised his eyebrows and took a step forwards.

I quickly shake my head, ''That's really non of your business,''

''I was your client so that makes it my business. What are you hiding Anastasia?''

My insides quivered at the way he purred my name. His eyes sparkled with amusement making him even more unbelievably handsome then before, if that is even possible. I blinked up at him.

''I-I don't have anything to hide'' I stutter.

Bending close, he whispers, ''Liar,''

As soon as his scent wrapped around me that warmth moved through me again, followed by that heated ache between my legs I came to know so well ever since I started to share the air with him. I didn't know how much longer I could keep my mask in place but I knew I had to, for Jose.

''You can't hide forever,'' he said.

I took a step back, the shiver eased, a little. ''Who do you think you are?'' I shifted my weight onto my right leg.

He straightens, his face expressionless, ''I asked you a question first,''

I looked away already feeling that fury simmering inside me back to life. ''That is not something we need to discuss,'' I stand my ground,

No reaction

Nothing

He doesn't seem surprised by my responses as if he expects them. Strange.

''Have dinner with me,'' it's not a question, it sounds like an order.

''No,''

''May I ask, why?''

My eyebrows shoot up, ''Why do you want to have dinner with me?''

He smirks, ''The answer is simple, Anastasia, because I want to,''

''It's still a no,''

''How about a deal?''

Well now I am very much intrigued, what does he want to offer me? Any why not give up already after I turned him down.

''I'm listening''

He grinned, ''I knew you wouldn't resist,'' he paused, ''The deal is simple, you have dinner with me and you'll get my signature which will mean that Jose will get the job,''

I needed to be cautious, men like him don't just give simple deals like that and he was the dangerous type. So I have to be extra careful especially when Jose was in the picture.

I cleared my throat, ''Where's the catch?''

He shook his head, ''There's no catch, I simply want to have dinner with you and if giving Jose a job is what you need to convince you, then you'll have it,''

''Now who's persistent,''

''I always get what I want, Miss Steele,''

''I don't doubt it, but you can't have me, Mr Grey,''

That breathtaking smile touched his lips again, ''You just a challenge and I don't back down from one,''

I inhaled sharply, I've never been so painfully aroused by another man. I wanted him but he was off limits, the forbidden fruit, that I could only look at and crave. But we all want what we cannot have and he was oh so tempting.

* * *

 **Please let me know what you think :))) xxxx**


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